Milanimo

Here to review! "I think, dear reader that now would be a good time to let you know that my brother's reign of terror was in full operation every day ...

Hi! I'll get straight to the review. "Nanya returned determinedly to her struggle." You don't really need "determinedly". Knowing she is returning to tells readers that she is already trying ...

Hi! ""What is this?" Jale's bark shook me from my thoughts. I shrugged my shoulders and raced down, with the figurine cupped in my hand like a dying pet." Raced ...

Hi! Here to get you out of the green room! "not looking for another fight (and an opportunity to waste ammo)." I don't think you need to put this in ...

Here to get you out of the green room! "A medium pizza with...." Emily told the pizza guy. "What do you want Belinda?" An ellipsis (...) should have only three ...

Hi! Here for the first review! "I… I see visions on the future.” I think you should use "of" instead of "on". "I saw myself in third person" Take out ...

Hello! Sorry it took so long to get a review! “A couple weeks ago-I think." A comma would suffice better than a dash. "barrier.”Silence," There needs to be a space ...

Here to get you out of the green room! Sorry it took so long! "When he did drive, he drove like a maniac because he saw no other reason to ...

Hi! Here for the first review! Also, welcome to YWS! Anyways, I'll get straight to the point. "Who was Monitor?" I'm not a fan of rhetorical questions, but if it ...

Hi! Here to get you out of the green room! I noticed first that you need to check your quotes. The punctuation used is not correct. Now on to more ...

Hi! Sorry it took so long to get a review! "Marie Laveau was a French woman from 1901," Have you mentioned her in previous chapters? I'm sorry I haven't been ...

Hello! "Pushing long, dark brown hair out of her face, a woman dressed in black quietly opened a pair of shutters and leaned into the open window to check inside." ...

Hey! I don't think I can read all of this in one review. You might want to split the prologue into more than one part? "the xbox" Capitalize the first ...

Hello! "Fern glanced to Jasper, frightened. Her heart was pumping fast with fear." You mention fear too many times in these two sentences. To be honest, you don't even need ...

Hello! Here to get you out of the green room! "She mimicked him “‘Castor really?’ Be quiet Miles.” The mimicry seems unneeded. I understand she's upset but the mimicry seems ...