We decide to walk, since the Jeep would attract too much attention. Dajen is silent and moody the entire time. The rest of the boys are silent, since we're not looking for another fight (and an opportunity to waste ammo).
The hospital soon looms over the 8 of us, all abandoned and looking like one of those places out of ghost shows and horror movies.
Creepy as all get out.
At the grime-covered back doors of the hospital, I pick the lock with ease and slip inside. My group follows quickly. Maybe this would be a good time to talk about the three boys.
Nico, the youngest, is 14. His family came to Z.A.C. when he was five. Well, his mom, anyway. His dad was killed by a zombie before it came too dangerous to live in their house on the border of Westchester and the Bronx.
Z.A.C. is located all around the world, but it's north eastern branch is located in what was formerly the Bronx. About a 15 mile drive and you'll reach NYC, where the headquarters of the zombies is. They aren't all books and movies.
Currently, Nico is asking how I know how to pick a lock. He's a year younger than me, and this is all kind of new to him.
"Her father, a genius," Mark says. "She doesn't like to talk about it."
He's right. It's true, though, that my father was a genius. But I'll dwell more on that if I'm not dead already, or I have the time.
Anyway, Mark is 18 and the oldest. He doesn't care for Dajen since Dajen stole his girfriend. He then dumped her a week later, and took Nick's girlfriend. Mark's ex was bitten 2 days later. Dajen shot her.
Nick is 16 and came by himself to Z.A.C. through various safe houses we have placed around the state by the more brave members of Z.A.C.'s protection services. Both of Nick's parents died. His girlfriend was dumped by Dajen as well. She hasn't gotten over it.
Good feelings all around towards Dajen, right?
We silently creep through the dark halls. An eerie sensation fills the stale air from years of abandonment. Something is very off, and I know the others sense it too.
I hear a crash, and open a room near us. The 4 of us slip inside, and I close the door. The crash was too close to us to be Dajen and his team. I don't know much about the people on that team, since they've been only recently assigned to active patrol instead of protection.
I am closest to the door. My body tenses, and I feel myself breathing in short breaths. I now have the lives of three others in my hands.
"Selene, you need to see this," Nick whispers. I look at him.
"What?"
"The medical team needs to see this. There's a vial with liquid for turning humans into zombies and another for turning zombies back into humans."
"What? How do you know?" I ask. Nico points at an open binder, full of notes. I skim through them, noticing key phrases that seem to catch my attention like bright red flashing signs.
Transformation.
Only halfway turn.
Human to zombie works. The other way does not. Only go halfway.
IV injection.
"Take this. All of it. We-" I begin, but I'm cut off by the sound of glass breaking and agonized wails. I turn around, reaching for my knife and starting towards the green hand. I raise my hand and slice through the dead skin. It's surprisingly easy, even though I jump a little bit when the hand falls on the ground in front of me. I hear the wailing get louder as the zombie carreens backwards.
"Let's go. None of them ever stay alone. There are more, somewhere," I say. I grab the door handle and turn. The door opens easily, letting me spot the zombie on the floor. I raise my gun and shoot him in the head to make sure he's dead.
"Stay here. Take the stuff. I'll check at the end of this hall," I say, just as a chorus of groaning and wailing echoes down at the end of the corridor we're on. I jog down, and peer into the hallway.
A massive hoard of zombies are slowly making their way towards us. I turn around and race back to the doorway, where Nick and the others are waiting.
"Hoard!" I shout, and Nick predicts what I'm about to say.
"Let's go! We've got the stuff; the zombies aren't important," he shouts, and the 3 boys begin running down the hallway. I slide to a halt and grab the doorway in front of the lab where we found the binder. There's still tubes in here since there are too many for us to carry. I pull out a match, since usually we use them to completely burn a mass amount of zombies. I see a gas can. I really hope it has some in it, though it doesn't explain why it would be in a hospital. I grab trays and stick them in the middle of the floor.
Mark bursts into the doorway. "What are you doing?! We don't have time for this!"
"We have to make sure no one can get this!" I shout back, taking another tray. There are 2 left.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Mark says, and grabs one. I pick up the last one, and place it on top of a tower of tubes. I grab the gas can, and pour as much as I can over the tower. I leave some on the floor, and throw the match down. It lights.
"Now we can go," I say. I run out of the room after Mark and down the hallway.
When we turn the third corner, I almost crash into Dajen.
"What did you do?" he hisses at me.
"What do you mean?" I hiss back.
"The massive herd of zombies that shot at us. Thanks to you, my entire team has scattered!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You think I had something to do with this? My team was just as shot at! Plus, we had info! You were just zombie chow who couldn't stay together!"
"Can we not argue about this now!?" Mark says.
"Good point," I say. I turn around, and see a zombie coming towards us.
"The rest of you, go. I'll take care of this," I say, and they turn and run. I pull out my gun and wait until the zombie is relatively close to start shooting.
But he doesn't stop, and he doesn't die.
"What the heck!?" I shout. This zombie is ready for me. I duck under his arm, and shoot up. It hits his jaw, but he isn't even fazed.
Time for hand-to-hand combat.
I kick at his leg, and he falls. Unfortunately, it's onto me. I push up onto his shoulders, trying to keep away from his teeth. I turn my head and see Nico, shaking, frozen in his steps. His eyes are on me, and I notice what's in his hand.
The binder.
"Nico! Run! You can't let him get that binder!"
"But-"
"Don't worry about me!" I scream. "He's after the binder."
I suddenly feel a hand on my jaw, and I see spots, along with pain. I piece together that he just puched me on the bottom of my jaw. I feel my hands slacken, and scream, "No!"
I see his face come towards me, and I throw up my arm.
When he bites me, a raging fire of pain explodes up my wrist, slowly spreading. The zombie grabs my shirt, and throws me against the wall like I'm a ragdoll. I slam into the sheeting, and hit the floor face first. I feel blood on my face and in my mouth. I'm amazed I'm still concious.
Remember those smart zombies I was talking about?
Yeah, this is one of those.
I slowly open my eyes to see Nico running. The zombie races after him, and he hits Nico's back. I watch, helpless, as the zombie grabs the binder and runs back down the hall and turns a corner.
"Let's go!" Dajen says.
"What are you saying, Dajen?!" Mark shouts. "We can't leave her!" I look up and see Nick's face in front of me. Or, more exactly, three of Nick's faces.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yes. Where'd he run?" I ask. I grab his shoulder and push my way up, just as my vision slowly returns to one hallway.
"Next hallway," Dajen says. I jog down, and turn the corner, quickening my pace to a run, and then, finally, a sprint.
"Selene, what are you doing?" I hear Mark ask.
"I can't let him get the binder!" I shout.
Just ahead, I see the zombie.
I start shooting.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Chapter 4: Friends-SelenePoints:
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Hi! Here to get you out of the green room!
"not looking for another fight (and an opportunity to waste ammo)." I don't think you need to put this in parentheses, and you can use "or" here instead of "and".
"The hospital soon looms over the 8 of us, all abandoned and looking like one of those places out of ghost shows and horror movies.
Creepy as all get out."
I'm not a fan of the "creepy as all" sentence, and I also think you could do more in this part. Try sensory imagery and description in this part. I can't really get the essence of why its so scary without more explanation. Think of painting a picture, or describing it to someone whose never seen a creepy abandoned place. You want to always be as specific as possible when it comes to description.
Also, I see a lot of the time you don't write out numbers. If it's less than 100, you should definitely write it out.
Also, you start describing the characters and begin to dump data onto the reader. It's a bit much to read all at once and is overwhelming. Try embedding the back story into actions and dialogue, not just having long thoughts about who someone is.
"Now we can go," I say." This is a question, so a question mark is needed here. Also you should "I ask" instead of "I say".
That's all I really have. Keep writing!
Thanks!
Hello, Zontafer here to review your piece!
Nitpicks
8 should be written as eight (I believe).
Same as above. Also, you can't open a room. I'd rather write 'open a door near us, leading to another room' or something along those lines.
Not exactly a nitpick, but wouldn't a gunshot attract more zombies? I'd believe it would be wiser to use a knife or so.
Content
One thing I really like about your story is your choice of names. You mix common names with names that are not too common (at least for me). I also love the name Selene! ^^
HQ of zombies? So do you mean like zombies have personalities, and are not brain-dead?
One thing you need to practice on, is describing things. You have too little adjectives in your story, and therefore I often have a loose grip of exactly where the scene is, its surrounding, how people look like etc.
The story itself got exciting, but it wont be complete until you get those adjectives on the paper (or the screen haha).
Keep on writing!
- Zontafer