Merlin34

I liked this. I don't know if this is going to be continued, but it should. It's good. It had that whole sense of sadness and slight dread you get ...

I liked it. It had a feel that... I simply can't describe. But I like it. So that's good, right. "Mel, please, Mel... don't leave" I hear sobs from above ...

The engine died, leaving only the sound of rain. Michael minimised the screen on his laptop and stood up. He walked through the lounge room, and onto the veranda to ...

Whoa... that was a really touching story. I don't think I've ever read anything that can really bring me to tears. Brava, brava, bravissima. (I'm assuming you're a girl... D: ...

Nitpicking first. :P Thunder clashed in response to the flashes of lightening. 1. The sentence just seems odd. Try “Thunder roared. Lightning crackled.” or something like that. Use hard sounds ...

"He had got a tent of his own, but most of the other men had to share theirs with someone else." Maybe mention there that he's a captain, because that ...

It tells a good story, but like sugarxsnow said, it isn't that emotionally or physically tragic, or gripping. Also, it doesn't seem to have much "flow" to it. That or ...

I like it. I have a soft spot for any mythology, but I have never read any Aztec mythology. I like how you used a lot of words and phrases ...