Merlin34

I liked this. Your descriptive skills are wonderful, they let me see what's going on without being overly flowery. You conveyed the mood quite well, and the end was a ...

Overall, I wasn't really hooked by this story. The premise is interesting and it looks fairly original, but it doesn't read very well. There are a few grammatical errors that ...

For names, you should make up some, but try to make the name tell the gender. For example, male names could have harder sounds, like "k", "t", and "b", while ...

That initiation thing is just sick and wrong. But effective. Overall, I liked it. It has an interesting premise, and the shoot-and-heal thing seems pretty original. There were a few ...

This is flawed. It was interesting, but the grammar and spelling is, to be frank, bad. There are a couple other novice mistakes in there. For the grammar, I'd just ...

I liked this piece. It has potential. Maybe this is just me, but I love the word "Musglove". It sounds like some kind of plant to me. I haven't read ...

Two inconsequential metal parts slamming into each other to snap close the lock of a dog leash. The lion was chained. I could feel it pacing at the back of ...

To me, this story is... a wolf. A lithe and majestic creature. Unfortunately, this wolf got into a fight and is now covered in mud and blood. What I'm saying ...

Oh no, not a lorry! :o This was good. The prose was solid, though I did spot a couple iffy bits (which I outline below), and total cliffhanger at the ...

This is... HORRIBLE OMG! By "horrible", I mean "awesome and intense". I like Alfred a lot, he seems similar to Merenor from Xavier's Quest in a lot of ways. The ...

I liked this, but you had a few prose issues and parts where it really dragged. Nitpicks: flared with brutality That part just doesn't sound right. Try just "flamed" or ...

That was very good. I really could see right into your character's mind. You make good use of first person. The word usage is perfect for something from the mind ...

I liked it. You did a good job with emotions, though I don't know much about these characters as I haven't read any more if this story. One little nitpick: ...

To be honest, I really didn't get what was going on. It seems like you move too fast. Describe a bit more. You barely describe this sprite at all. I ...

Hey AleixaAnn! Thought I'd review this. A night as black as the Abyss itself. The moon, full, eyes wide open. That whole bit just sounds wrong. Very weird. What is ...