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Young Writers Society



One Life To Give (Chapter 1)

by ScarletLetter


I covered my face with my hands as I stared at the tomb stone. Ugh, I can't look at this anymore. These dreams are getting ridiculous. I always wake up in the same place. I only had them when I fell asleep in his arms. The tomb stone always said the same thing, his name, Skylar McDaniel. “Are you okay Candy” he woke me up. I smiled in the dark and looked at him. He had blond hair with piercing teal eyes. God he was gorgeous. He was 6 inches taller than me, which was perfect for me. We just laid there for a while, me laying on his chest. I could feel his rock hard abs underneath his shirt. Whoa! What am i thinking? Skylar is just my friend. My best friend that is. Its been that way since we could walk. I shot up, feeling uncomfortable about it. He sat up too and sighed.

“Whats wrong?”, I asked

“What? oh nothing....”, he looked down and put his elbows on his knees.

“Okay well its getting late..I should probably get home, okay? I stood up and turned on the lights. He rubbed his eyes and got up too.

“Aw” he teased, “We fell asleep and didn’t finish the movie”

I laughed “Oh well”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs out of his basement to his front door.

“Do you want me to walk you home?" He asked when we got to the door. I guess I didn’t have a choice, he was already sliding his Nike shoes on. I nodded and opened his door. I don't really know why he was walking me home, he never does. And plus we live right across the street from each other.

We walked to my house, without saying anything to each other, until he broke the silence.

“So, I'll see you tomorrow?” He was looking down at his shoes again.

“Um...yea, Sky are you okay? You seem a little nervous.”

“No,no I'm fine.” He looked up and smiled “Bye”

I chuckled and blushed. His smile was absolutely perfect. All straight and was pearl white.

“okay I'll text you later, Bye” I opened my door, stepped inside slowly, wondering if he was going to say anything else. I closed the door behind me and I ran upstairs, skipping two stairs at a time.

“Mom I'm home” I whispered as I entered her room. She rolled over and tried to open her eyes. It was 1:30 in the morning, I probably shouldn't’t of wakened her.

“Okay night Hun,I'll see you in the morning, get a good night sleep.”

“Alright mom I will, love you.”

She was already asleep so I just quietly tip-toed out. I rushed to my room and turned on the light...It was so bright in my room, with baby blue and lime green stripes on the walls, I went to my walk in closet and brushed my fingers through all my clothes.

I grabbed some sweats, a pink tank,and got my fuzzy slippers and I was all ready.

BUZZ!!

I grabbed my phone before it made anymore noise. Who would be texting me this late?

FROM:Skylar

hey Candy

TO:Skylar

um..hi..wasn’t I like just at your house 10 min. ago?

FROM:Skylar

Oh yea. lol

sorry ill let you get some sleep. nite

TO:Skylar

night

That was weird. I need to find out whats going on with that boy. He's been acting really strange. I turned on my flat screen and crawled under my silky sheets. My fluffy pillow always does the trick. I fell into a deep deep sleep.

~Skylar’s P.O.V~

“Why did I just text her?!” I thought, “She was just here, and shes going to think I'm obsessed with her or something..God why can't I stop thinking about her?... Skylar chill..You will see her tomorrow...” I took off my shirt and pants, so I was only in my boxers and climbed into my bed.

~Candy's P.O.V~

A bright light beamed into my eyes, like always i reacted quickly and shot up.

“What the?” I asked as I was rubbing my eyes.

“Wakey wakey!!” my mom said in a cherry tone, “time to get up!”

ugh....I laid back down trying to think of what was going on...Okay it's Monday...Stayed up till almost 2 in the morning with Skylar..I jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom, took off my clothes and stepped into the shower..I guess I stayed in there longer than I wanted to, My little sister was banging on the door.

“Candyyyyy!!!!” she yelled, “stop hogging the bathroom!”

dang..My sister was only 9 years old! how much “bathroom time” does she need??

I jumped out, grabbed a towel and opened the door.

“Thank you” she said, in a quiet tone.

Hm...okay? she usually gets mad or gives me a lecture on how I shouldn't lock the door. But not today...well I can live with the new Dani.

Dani is a nine year old tom boy. She has beautiful violet eyes and is always tan, which gets on my nerves sometimes. I always have to go to a tanning booth or tan out in the sun, during the summer. She loves to play football,skateboard You know Tom-boy stuff.I swear I've only met at least two of her friends that are girls. She usually gets along better with guys anyways. She's tall for her age I suppose and has short, right under her chin light blonde hair.

I'm just waiting for my parents to tell me we aren't related or that we adopted her,Because I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't see a resemblance.I had long reddish brown hair and Big deep green eyes that change color during the week. I was short, 5’0 and thin. I mean I didn't think I was drop dead gorgeous but I wasn't saying I was ugly either.

I sighed and went to my closet and picked out a light pair of ripped jeans, A long red Cami with a gray hoodie that had All Time Low printed on the side of the sleeve. I went to my bathroom and looked at my clock 6:45, alright I have 15 minutes before school. I went and blow dried my hair and put my bangs back into a poof.

“Candace! Breakfast is ready!” my mom yelled up the stairs.

I hopped downstairs and saw her feeding my 2 month old baby brother, Kane. I walked over an gave him a kiss on the head then grabbed some toast.

“Is that all your having sweetie?” my mom questioned.

“Yea, hey mom I have to go I'm going to be late.”

“Okay can you put the baby in his crib please?.” she hurried and cleaned up all the mashed peas and applesauce she was feeding him. I hoisted him up and placed him in his crib. He looked up at me with his great green eyes and looked like he was about to cry.

“Aw Kane, I'll be home soon.” I kissed him on he cheek and grabbed my bag off of the chair. We live only about 10 minutes away from my school so we were there in no time.

“so...why are we leaving the baby home with Dani again?” I asked

“Because I'll be right back and I asked the neighbor to check in on them..alright we are here. Have fun” she said

“yea. school. fun.” I laughed “bye”

I walked in the doors to my locker. #1197, wow we have a lot of lockers...more than that even, I lived in a big town so that didn't surprise me much on the first day. I stopped about 5 feet from my locker. Whoa...I looked up at the locker numbers just to make sure. #1197 yea that's mine..so why was one of the popular guys standing in front of it?


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57 Reviews


Points: 7250
Reviews: 57

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Mon Jan 25, 2010 10:15 pm
Merlin34 wrote a review...



This is flawed. It was interesting, but the grammar and spelling is, to be frank, bad. There are a couple other novice mistakes in there.

For the grammar, I'd just recommend you read up. This stuff is taught to elementary kids. You should know to capitalize the first word of sentences (and to capitalize proper nouns and the word "I"). You should know how to use commas correctly.

The grammar of the dialogue is also messed up. For this, I'd recommend you read Demeter's wonderful article on it. Or Snoink's article.

Nitpicks:

he had blonde medium length hair with piercing teal eyes. God he was gorgeous. He was about 5’6, which was a perfect height for me at 5'0.

It's generally a bad idea to describe a person's appearance all it once like that. Slip the details in as you go along. Also, the exact heights don't need to be mentioned. Just say that "he was six inches taller than me" or something. "Medium length" is also pretty much meaningless. For all we know, his hair is five feet long and your Candy considers that "medium". Do you mean "shoulder length"?

Another thing, "blonde" is used for a girl's hair. "Blond" is what you'd use for a boy's.

skipping 2 stairs at a time.

Two, not 2.




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Points: 1391
Reviews: 9

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Mon Jan 25, 2010 10:06 pm
JAS13 wrote a review...



A few grammar mistakes in this though otherwise really well done. I was hooked on everything you wrote and kept wishing for more when I had finished, excllent work on writing this. Watch out for your sentences at the end, one of them hasn't got a capital letter!
But anyway what do I know about grammer! Good work! :elephant: :lol:





A ruler leads by example, not force.
— Sun Tzu