McMourning

Hi. I'm a bad girl. I didn't read your intro first. It doesn't need the intro, and I assume you wouldn't publish an intro to it. Point being, that I ...

Hi. I love science fiction; I always have. And, I find your story interesting. It has a good start. It starts differently than a lot of other sci-fi. You switch ...

Hi. I'm not in the Honor Society, so I really know what they are looking for, but...I think the paragraphs need to have better transitions. After talking about citizenship, don't ...

Short, sweet, simple. But, I'm a stickler. Beautiful and skyscrapers are spelled wrong. There should also be some punctuation, here: On the farm, the sun sets. In the suburbs, it ...

Hey! I love Tin Man . I know people who think it's awful, though, so I tried to see both perspectives while reading this. I think it's great that you ...

Hi. I liked how each stanza was a different feeling. And, I see why that may fit with the title, but I don't like that it is also the name ...

Hi. I am surprised. At first, I didn't know what to expect; it seemed slapped together. Then, I got into it, and it was good, thought provoking. Gryphon made a ...

Wow. I can picture reading this in a short story collection or in a literary magazine. Very good. She glanced around, then grabbed the bust of Marie Antoinette, flipped off ...

Hi, Cassie. I like the idea behind your poetry. Most people don't write about that side of love. But after years of loving, that single person will rip out your ...

Hi. I really liked the poem. You have a steady rhythm to your poetry, but you should add either commas or periods at the end of each line. Inside my ...

Hi. Personally, I love it. My only problem is this phrase Just blowing bubbles The bubble wand was pink, And shaped like a star, It doesn't transition right. Maybe more ...

Hi. I agree with what bludragon525 said--some parts didn't make sense and you definitely need punctuation. Not only punctuation, but spaces between each stanza. I think stanzas should be four ...

Hi. The biggest problem I see is spelling. "Thier" should be their*, and "Rememberance" should be Remembrance. Where were you when Elvis died trousers and shoes Like Lukas8u, this line ...

Hi. I've only dabbled in writing lyrics, myself, but here's my thoughts... I feel the meaning and the story behind the words. It's beautiful in a sad sort of way. ...

Hi, Lilylynn. I agree with Snoink; you don't need the quotation marks and all the capitals. The order could also be changed a bit... My heart sinks, You never listen ...