MaryEvans

You still can't do it. I mean that one line. Unless you show it's the character you're following who thinks it.

Sorry I didn't mean it as a freak out. And yeah as I said that term is too ambiguous. (I also haven't read enough it seems to pick up you ...

A few of those were rhetorical questions and I guess I glitched out whether or not I should put a question mark. I will just give them one, to be ...

Thank you once more.

Yeah in this edit it might be a bit confusing. Terra is the girl at the end of the previos chapter. I probably need to find a way to name ...

Yeah, punctuation... My bad but those commas just go past me. I am planning to look into it later, promise. Also I know it's long and whenever I can, I ...

Valid points. Thank you for pointing them out, I am amazed how some of those slipped past me. Anyhow, really appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you liked the story.

Just be careful with trademarked items/shows. I say this every time I see it, but copyright laws can be a bitch so thread carefully.

Thank you for the review. Yeah, there are a lot of fuck ups. I guess I should have let it through a few more revisions, because for the love of ...

No need to be bitchy. And I know. But it's a high risk that you're taking. Especially when you refuse to provide an apendix or a definition of the things ...

And yes it was a crude way to write an essay response.

Sure. Only it is kind of a mental state because it comes out of stress, overworking and emotional situation. Since we are humans, it results from our psychological state and ...

Hun, you're lucky this is English and you don't have to accord all the verbs, adjectives and nouns with the pronoun. Again, I advise against it because it's not thinking ...

Nothing more to add from what I said in the previous review really. The story moves on well, just make sure you set up characters and scenes with enough detail. ...

It doesn't take much, just a few tweaks, a shift in perspective. That's why I suggested reading alongside watching, so you can see where the two diverge. In any case, ...