MagnusBane

This was very unique. The idea behind it was pretty interesting, and I'd love to read more. However. An important rule of writing is to show, not tell. The entire ...

Well, I really liked this story. It was well written and your style was consistent throughout the whole thing. However. The whole boyfriend-isn't-who-he-seems is kind of overdone by now. *cough ...

It was evening, warm and breezy. In all the summer nights that had been seen in Cumbria, today was one of the more beautiful ones. The night was perfect for ...

Only the barest hinting remains of the blazing that was. "Hinting" seems a bit weird here. Maybe hint would work better? Other than that, I thought it was really good! ...

It was the silence in the room that woke him up. Good hook. Deep, oppressive silence that pressed against his ears and filled his head and chest . This is ...

The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare. City of Bones is the first book. These are honestly the best books I've ever read. They're funny, action packed, and have just ...

*gives gold star* Wow. I really couldn't find anything wrong with this story. There was a few little grammar things that can be easily fixed - I think alwaysawriter pointed ...

I agree with Meep. It freaked me out, too. Overall, I thought everything past the "Two Weeks Later" part was really good. The first part could use some work, though, ...

Scall stalked the demon like a shadow. I like your hook, although the simile seems a bit cliche. He sat in a small coffee shop on the sixth floor of ...

The brown marble floor looked clean enough, the tiny old love seat that was half torn on one side lay lazily in the back of the apartment, the walls of ...

No offense, but this idea seems a little... old. Like I've already read this a thousand times. I can just see that this is going to end up being about ...

Hey bigsis3! Welcome to YWS! You should head over to the "welcome" forum and introduce yourself! Now for the review... A long time ago, there was a village full of ...

Wow! I really liked this! Your Muse must have given you some good ideas (unlike mine, who ran off to Italy or something). I did find some little nitpicks though.. ...

Hi! I liked your story a lot! There's just some things I noticed that you might want to fix: Nitpicks (Annoying as they are, I can't help myself) I moved ...

This is a great beginning! Your first paragraph really caught my attention. I'm guessing that she's a witch of some sort, correct? Other than a couple of minor nitpicks - ...