Mad

I really like the second and third verses, I can't suggest anything for either of them. The first verse confuses me a bit though. You whine three tonight, beneath the ...

The last and the second stanza both flow well, but the rhythm is lost a bit in that second stanza. My arms are always open if you ever need a ...

Well, I think that the lines are a bit long. Really long free verse lines can sound a lot like prose and at times it seemed more prose than poetry. ...

I think that the alliteration you use in the first stanza is really effective. It's a good way of bringing the reader in and it grabs their attention. The second ...

Empty words, Empty meanings floating around in an empty world Straight off you've got to many emptys in there, the first line is fine but I'd strongly suggest cutting out ...

It's like looking for you through our secret window, But you're not there. It's nice and abrupt but the lines don't run onto each other. The first two lines "it's ...

It's a really good poem, it flows well and I like the descriptions that you use. Remember when you whispered forever, and I heard your voice as a drowning man ...

I think that you are too dependent on the rhyme scheme at times. You have some odd line breaks which only serve to keep the rhyme and not preserve the ...

I think that while you do have a very nice, steady rhythm the length of your lines causes the meaning to be lost since the sentence that you make can't ...

The story has an interesting perspective - Not a new one but one that isn't used often. The descriptions nice, and I the dialogue was good. It is equally a ...

His roughened fingers plucked idly at the peeling paint of the bench, meticulous in [s]his[/s] their work. I think their work is a better way of putting it. save for ...

It's good, not as good as some of the other chapters you've written. It's somewhere in between the action and insights that you've been giving before. “Eh, you win some ...

Well to mimic what some other people are saying, creepy and spooky. I found it confusing at first, An antique lamp shone with a sturdy light. Cherry red lips glistened ...

It's very well written and I think that the tone you choose to adopt is really fitting and makes the story very easy to read. It reminds me a lot ...

I really don't like the constant full stops. I know its there for emphasis but I don't think it really helps the poem at all. The poem seems a bit ...