Published April 20, 2007
Remember when you whispered forever,
and I heard your voice as a drowning
man hears the people on the shore
--a whisper that dances like moonlight
on the ripples of my mind.
I believed you because the horizon
was shrouded in evening’s dimness
and in the darkness you cannot feel
time passing, or your dreams dying,
only
the way your hand caressed my face.
It’s only logical that forever makes
more sense when you cannot see tomorrow,
and for the lies to become half-truths
because the nectar of my heart was ripe for
bearing falsities, since I was willing to
wait that extra hour until dawn to see
the naked imprint in the grass of where
you left me lying.
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141,348 Literary Works • 674,375 Reviews
I really like it, and I agree with DoctorClicky, it is a damn good poem.
L.P.
HOLY SHIT THIS IS ONE DAMN GOOD POEM!
A+!
It's a really good poem, it flows well and I like the descriptions that you use.
I found those last two lines very confusing because of the line break, I'm not sure if that's just me. There's nothing wrong with the line, I think it's just the line break which distorts things.
One thing, I don't quite know why you have the two lines and then a line break, it doesn't really work when the lines are all flowing onto each other.
Really nice poem, I especially like the last line - It's a very powerful ending.
great poem. I wouldn't change anything.