Lilicia

Hi there! I really liked this, it's quite a common topic but you pulled it off very well. I loved the way you put Sally's thoughts it italics, it really ...

Hi there! First off, I really liked the dialogue. It was very realistic. Just a few things: Jan came over white as if she had seen a ghost. She pushed ...

Hi there! Well, this is certainly different! But in a good way, it leaves me curious as to what will happen next. She was only fourteen, you see. That's why ...

Hi there! I really liked this - though you're right, it is quite depressing! But good job on the emotions, I really felt for the MC. A few things: Back ...

Hi there! Ahh this is so sad :( I really enjoyed it: you got the emotions just right, and the descriptions were amazing. Just a few nitpicks: Now, sitting in ...

Hi there! I'll start off with the nitpicks. Corrections in red, comments in bold :] Chapter One: Crossing my arms over my stomach, I approached Jordan. He was laughing at ...

Hi there! This is a very interesting idea, it makes me want to read more. I like the whole idea of the sacrifice. Just a few things: She never sat ...

Hey there! So I like this, it's an interesting start. It's quite short, but I'll do my best with a proper review. :] He trudged through the snow, slowed by ...

Hi there! So, this is an interesting beginning. I like it. However, it's very vague. I advise you add some more detail, otherwise you might lose the reader. Cold. Everything ...

Hi there! I read the first part - this is a good story. It kept me intruiged the whole way through. Your descriptions are great . ;) Just a few ...

Hey there! I see you're new here - welcome! I'm Lilicia *shakes hand* So this is an interesting beginning, but there are a few things that need fixing. Nitpicks first ...

Hi there! I've had a look at the other chapters, and this seems like a very interesting story. You're a good writer. However, at the moment, it seems like you've ...

Hi there! This is a very sweet story, well written, too. Just a few things: The mother buried her face in her hands and started crying before Sarah finished saying ...

Hi there! I really enjoyed this; it's written beautifully. *like* :D The sun dribbles in ever so slowly through the cracks the nurse has left in my blinds. Although I ...

Hi there! This is a very good piece. I felt really sad reading it, so great job. I love the descriptions, too. Nitpicks: The night it happened is a night ...