Leahweird

I've fixed up the grammer. I also adressed some of your points on the plot. Hopefully it makes a little more sense, but I will probably have to go back ...

Yeah this is a great story. You had some words repeated too close together, and the description of what monoshifters actually are wasn't as seamlessly integrated as it might have ...

I am so flattered, Chirantha, you made my day! I have fixed that typo (special thanks for catching it, typos are the bane of my existance) and changed that word. ...

Thank you for your comments! It's good to know I've succeeded in my prelimnary goal, which was to create a dark atmosphere and get people interested in what happened, why, ...

I am really enjoting the story so far. I really love how cocky Ares is. But then he also has those periodic moments of doubt, like when he thought he ...

Wow. I'm not surprised this is a true story. This sounds very,very real. I have nothing to suggest. This piece is perfect as it is.

Bryn, I've just started working on a larger work that will hopefully have the same feel as this but with more actual content, so your comments are espiecially appreciated.

Fixed those errors, plus a few others I found. I really need to edit better.

Thank you! Sorry about the missing word, i'm glad you caught that. Honestly, my ability to self edit leaves much to be desired, but the is ridiculous.

Ohh yeah that line does have a major typo. I will fix that immediatly and hopefully get around to proofing more thouroughly. As long as everything else makes sense. Thank ...

The contest has been extended, so I broke down and decided to change some things aroung. A few problems have been addressed, but I would apprieciate furthur input. Those random ...

Thank you for the critic! I'm going to blame microsoft for "fixing" stuff for me, for a lot of those mistakes, but it's always good to have someone willing to ...

I think formating was your enemy her. It's not always clear who the subject is, or who is talking. Otherwise a very interesting story.

Thank you both for your comments. This piece was practically just freewriting for me. I've been really busy with university lately, so short one-offs like this are really all I've ...

I think this work is going to be really cool. I love how you made me think he was being ironic about changing paths, after jumoing off a building. I ...