Lancrist

This was an interesting piece and you have the right idea in setting the premise for your story. I felt it was a little crowded with information and needs to ...

Interesting story; not usually my type but I read through it anyway. Like others have said there were no major problems with grammar. As for the characters, they were OK. ...

This will be the start of chapter 2, so I need to know if it's suitable for that. I wrote it quickly and havn't really edited it, so all help ...

Now, he could sit back and relax, and savour his time on Earth, which came few and far between "few and far between" is used after a plural, eg, "the ...

I might go and read the book, the concept of armageddon/everyone on Earth dying is a concept I love (see: The Stand, by Stephen King). I'm interested in seeing the ...

I could talk to you about some structural/wording issues to do with this, but I think what you have to work on first is the actual content on the story. ...

Firstly, I don't agree with what fairy had to say. Secondly, I think it was written well and you did a good job at building the imagery. I got the ...

Some would say chapter length is up to you, but I would say that's too short. I think you told me too much about wizards in a short space of ...

I'll simply address these because that's what you're looking for: - Keeping the action moving; things happen, but I don't know if seems natural. I didn't have a problem with ...

The quality of the writing in this was good and the story was good in building towards the final message. The major problem I found with this is the way ...

Not bad. I liked it well enough. I'll start my critique in a general way; then come to the finer points. I had two major qualms. Firstly - your characters ...

It was a door~~ ...He knocked his knuckles against the door, making a thumping sound. This paragraph has already been highlighted, aside from the excess of doors, I feel that ...

I mean sure the villagers may find me The bold words at the beginning don't seem to fit in both as appropriate dialogue and because it strikes me as something ...

One sentence that stuck out and seemed out of place was "with heavy termite damage at this point, most likely." It doesn't strike me that Dynecus, fleeing his captors, would ...

I like it so far, and am interested in seeing where it's heading, although there are a few things I'll say (isn't there always?). There are a few spelling errors, ...