Kylan

Jiggity - Fantastic! Much more rich and smoothly delivered than part one. I enjoyed this immensely. Sometimes, you just gotta strain to get good things, I guess, right? Everything was ...

Duskfield One foot in front of the other, they slump forward, limp and wilted as ladies in the heat. Their hatbrims cup the sun and their faces are broken affairs, ...

Yes! The first person perspective is Louis in the past, before the opening scene, from the ages of eight to sixteen, at varying times. The third person perspective is Louis ...

Alright, things make sense now. And I completely understand that you were not able to fit all that information into 5,000 words. Like I said: the writing itself is very ...

Your title is misspelled. Veiw should be view. -Kylan

I think the amount of text you've posted is just to intimidating for critiquing. Consider sizing things down. Remember, the recommended word count for any piece of writing here is ...

Thanks, all. The story is set in the 1960s just for everyone's information. Jiggity >> I will be trying my best to keep things lean, I really will. -Kylan

What about an english translation? -Kylan

That's terrible! -Kylan

*cracks up* Jeez, do I really sound like that? -Kylan

Conrad - You're right. This was much better than "Feather". At first, I thought that you had succumbed again to the telling monster, but as I continued to read I ...

Many thanks, Conrad! [edited] -Kylan

Thanks for the crit Angel! Just to clear things up for anyone else who reads this and is curious about the italisized passages: They are from the POV of Charlie ...

I don't care if it means absolutely nothing, this just sounds right. With a poem like this, you gotta shove technique and deeper, existential meaning aside and just listen to ...

Yeah, the italisizing here on YWS doesn't work very well if you want to italisize entire pages, but I intended the whole beginning scene to be i 'd :wink: . ...