Kale

Retro was pretty thorough with the punctuation, so I won't be commenting upon it. Instead, I'll be focusing more on the content. The thing that really struck me about this ...

Rockets fly And fireworks flash. Impact!! I liked the imagery in these lines, and you did a good job of tying them into the last line of this stanza, but ...

The revised version is definitely better than the original. :D The first stanza grabbed my attention right away, though that might have been just because I've got a soft spot ...

You had a lot of missing end punctuation, especially at the end of each line of dialogue. In addition, you had a number of comma splices and extra words. You ...

Just a little note, but I haven't read the first part. Even so, this half made sense, which was good. I laughed near the end, when they finally kissed. It ...

Hello. Me again. I think by now you can guess that I am not really a fan of this series. They really don't strike me as being funny. So. Why ...

“I'm offended that the idea that I stalk you because I have feelings for you in any way other then friends that I enjoy hitting.” This line makes absolutely no ...

This does not mean there will be several others throughout it. Don't you mean "This does not mean there will not be several others throughout it"? Right now, it reads ...

I haven't read Part 1, just to let you know. Hopefully, I can still be helpful. So much I should have told him , "I love you," being the thing ...

This moved far too fast, especially the ending. Part of this has to do with how you told us everything Sam felt rather than showing us; the other part was ...

You had a number of basic spelling mistakes, such as misspelling "black". You also have a couple of capitalization mistakes. There's really no excuse for this as most word processors ...

Hello there, monique, and welcome to YWS. If you haven't already done so, you might want to introduce yourself over at the Welcome Mat . There are a lot of ...

Emma had no idea how this had happened to her. You had me riveted right up to this sentence. It came completely out of nowhere, and it threw me completely ...

The first thing I noticed was that this was really quite short; next, that it ended a bit abruptly. I think you could really expand this a bit more. Right ...

Alrighty. I am going to be brutally honest with you, so I suggest you either brace yourself or don't read. To be blunt, this was bad. Where to start? Well, ...