Kakali

:')

Guh! Your right! Sorry my iPad does that all the time, I will have to get on my laptop and fix that!

ayden's heart, pounding in his ears, was the only thing he could hear as he slunk through the silent forest. The evening light barely leaked through the dense canopy of ...

Thanks, and don't worry. I made sure to leave plenty out. :)

Okay, this is the last edit before I start chapter 2. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Claire groaned as she slowly awoke from her unpleasant slumber. She felt a

Claire groaned as she slowly awoke from her unpleasant slumber. She felt a harsh throbbing in her back from sleeping on the ground in a cold, makeshift hut. She stretched ...

This is all great information for me, and I plan to fix it later on this thread. Before I revise it though, could somone tell me if the very end ...

I re-wrote chapter one, so if you would......?

Claire looked out upon the empty sea with a longing in her heart. The wind billowed around her, sending golden locks of hair across her face. The dark gloominess of ...

I'm glad that people are here to show me whats wrong, that could have been embarassing. lol

Actually its chapter 1. This is the prolouge. Claire looked out upon the empty sea with a longing in her heart. The wind billowed around her, sending golden locks of ...

If you were talking on a computer in your "chats" I would suggest using more acronims. (lol, jk, btw) or abbreviations. Really good story, I will continue to read. ( ...

Okay, I revised it. It is a little longer. Claire looked out upon the empty sea with a longing in her heart. The wind billowed around her, sending golden locks ...

You should write more of it, it sounds interesting enough.