KJ

“Ugh, you’re so annoying.” Freda grumbled, pushing her big sister away and running to stuff her feet into her shoes Would be better as something like, "Ugh, you're so annoying," ...

This is on chapter one: There was a stain that looked like blood. This line is a little confusing. You should put " on it " or something at the ...

“This is a war damnit! We have to kill some people.” I think it would be better if "damnit" was two words. “But he was only a boy.” I said ...

“What d’ya mean, a body? A people body?” I didn't like this line. A "people body" just sounds kiddish. It was these kinds of things that pervert the mind and ...

Hey Ash. Now, aside from the punctuation mistakes (which I don't have time to point out right now) I liked this. I think you've created a solid foundation as a ...

I was reading really fast so this was all I caught: "He hated how they would laugh, and talk of stranger things." You meant strange, right? Now, I think this ...

Well, first off, it'd be nice for some more spacing. This is a pretty good beginning, and it is decently attention-grabbing. You have a good way of building up suspense. ...

There were a ton of punctuation mistakes. I don't know if tat was just your machine getting funky or what but it was a little annoying. Anyway, to say something ...

This was good. Everyone else has the grammar and punctuation stuff covered so I won't waste my breath, er, finger energy. It was attention-catching, which is something I always like ...

Hi. This piece was okay. It wasn't bad, but nothing struck me about it. There were a bunch of punctuation mistakes. You did this A LOT: "Eighth" You never put ...

I think that you did well expressing the teenage emotions, but other than that I was bored. Where is this going? You gave hardly anything to really give an opinion ...

Hey. You were very kind when you critiqued my work so I'll try and return the favor. This was well-written. What I liked most was Gabriel's cocky personality. And you ...

This was awesome. The descriptions were perfect, and I was able to create a mental picture of the setting and your characters (Keith was my favorite). I also really liked ...

Interesting. I'm kind of wondering where you're going with this. The beginning was kind of too bright and chipper for me. Don't forget to go back and capitalize all those ...

Many mistakes; I'm sure you'll take care of those. But I found the part where the "vampyre" kicked the father and stalked off kind of.. weird. Why didn't he kill ...