KJ

Just a few nitpicks (and they really are major nitpicks. This story would be great even if you just ignored them all). His mysterious ailment has turned his usually tanned ...

Hey. Just a few things I noticed: The stench was the same; bleach, of course. This sentence feels kind of awkward and ruins the flow you have going. I would ...

A tinny voice comes from the shrubs in a strained whisper. Only error I noticed. Should be tiny. All in all, exciting and well-written. It's a great beginning. It hooks ...

Hey. Just wanted to let you know that this was pretty decent writing. It's a good start. Would cut the Italics in the beginning, however. You could let us know ...

Lots of punctuation mistakes. Need to go back and fix those - Teh Wozzinator already gave you some good tips. As to your piece... it wasn't bad. Decent, in a ...

Hello. Overall opinion: Interesting start. There were a few things I would have changed, but unfortunately I don't have time to list them all. But one of the major things ...

Hey. Wanted to point out a few things that I noticed: They've been dating for 6 years! Yeah, 6. I don't get what they see in each other. Carly is ...

Hey. This was interesting. It wasn't exactly enthralling, but it wasn't boring. It was pretty well-written, also. Only thing is this: “I see our lovemaking has come to a close.” ...

Hey. Just wanted to put in my own two bits. I thought that this was an interesting addition. My only problem with it was as GryphonFledgling said: the relationship is ...

Hey.This wasn't a bad beginning. I had only a few problems with it. In the beginning I was getting the vibe that she didn't like staying sober and having to ...

Ummm, were you typing really fast or something? Because you had a ton of grammar and punctuation mistakes in there. I don't have time to point them out, but I'm ...

First thing I have to say is that you need spacing. Moving on. Overall, I thought this piece decent. I kind of got bored, but maybe that's just in the ...

I'm not entirely sure I liked this. So you've begun a story about an anorexic girl. Okay. So what are you going to do to make this piece, out of ...

Hello. Uh, no, I really had no idea what was going on. You had some cool descriptions, and they would have been even better if I'd known what was happening. ...

Ummm... Disturbing. To say in the least. And what kind of club is this? And why would these two girls want to be in it bad enough to give a ...