KJ

Hey. That's great about this being published. It's a good story. Only problem I really found was this: Her voice died away as she found, half to her disappointment, neither ...

This was a pretty good piece. I liked it. I don't think there's anything I would change, and I didn't notice any typos or grammar mistakes. Oh, wait, there is ...

Hey. Now, I don't want to be cruel or anything, but I found that you completely killed the suspenseful tone and good thing you had going with this ending: The ...

I noticed that while writing you have a habit of reusing words a little too much. Such as "ATM" or "pay", etc. etc. As to the story, I enjoyed it. ...

Hey. Welcome to the YWS. This story was, on the positive side, creative. Otherwise, I didn't much like it. I don't want to be mean, but at times reading this, ...

I liked it. It made me smile. Negative things: I felt that the beginning was too cliche. The whole "perfect" thing has been used countless times - even by me. ...

There were some punctuation errors in there, but I don't have time to point them out. Overall impression: It was okay. I like your style. It's an interesting beginning. On ...

This had some really good flow to it. I liked and enjoyed it a lot. Only thing that can improve it is if you actually put it in poetry format. ...

To be honest, I didn't really like it. I found it mostly dull, and nothing struck me about it. The biggest problem I had with it was your beginning - ...

This was a really neat idea. I liked it. But I would like to know more about your MC. Perhaps a bit more background and dialogue between her and her ...

Did you two do the eyeball avatars on purpose? Just curious... Anyway. I thought this was pretty well-written. However, I would just cut all the narrative in the beginning and ...

This was pretty good. I have almost nothing negative to say. The only problem I had was your hook - the very first line. Instead of saying Sunday night downtown, ...

Hey Ash. There were only a couple things I noticed - but as you know I don't really have time to go and fully critique it. My overall impression: Great. ...

This was pretty short. Is it meant as a chapter, prologue, or forst part of just a short story? As to my opinion, I thought that it was decently written. ...

Hey. Don't have much time to comment, but I just wanted to say a couple things. This was a pretty interesting addition. I didn't like it as much as Part ...