KJ

Hey. I would add much more spacing to this to make it easier to read, and maybe shortening the length would also help. It's so long, and I haven't the ...

Hey Kool. While this addition was not utterly necessary to your story, I loved it. As Kitty said, it gives us some depth of both characters. I'm kind of developing ...

Interesting. I notice that you use the name Crissiphone in everything you write. Something different would be good. On to your actual writing. What they were doing outside of the ...

I mostly agree with the others. But... it may be just me, but I thought it was a little dull. I got sidetracked and forced myself to focus much of ...

Hey. This was pretty well-written. I liked it. My favorite part was your description of the stranger. You've begun your plot well, and I also liked your hook. There were ...

Very lovely language you used. This piece is beautiful. It would look better if you had a space between the two paragraphs. I really have nothing else negative to say, ...

Hey Gryphon. Now, I realize that this was posted over three months ago, but I wanted to see some more of your work. I could find almost nothing wrong with ...

Hey. You've taken the time to review much of my work so I wanted to return the favor. Unfortunately, I have barely anything to say about this that may help ...

A bit shorter than I usually like. I didn't really get an impression on who your MC really is. Need some character development. A bit more description would be nice, ...

Hey Mike. I didn't have time to read the other comments so forgive me if I repeat something. Just a few things that I think need to be altered: In ...

I have to agree with the other reviews when they said your characters were strange. The dialogue felt unbalanced, and some of your details and reactions were inconsistent to the ...

On the negative side, there were many, many punctuation no-no's in here. I realize you were in a hurry, but I don't think that a story should be rushed. And ...

First off, I liked this. You have some good detail and description. You've begun your plot well, also. Hopefully we'll see some character development in your next addition to this. ...

This was one thing I read that I had a problem with: The wind howled like a werewolf, really loudly. Why did you put werewolf? Why not just wolf? I'm ...

Overall Impression: There wasn't anything especially striking about this first part. Your hook wasn't all that great. You need to grab the reader, and pull them in. So that needs ...