On the negative side, there were many, many punctuation no-no's in here. I realize you were in a hurry, but I don't think that a story should be rushed. And capitalizing takes no time at all. Also, this font is too small.
I have taken the liberty to go back and assist you in editing. My correction or changes are in bold.
My hair blew in the wind. Oh, how I hated that hair; it was so annoying. But the authorities wouldn't let me cut it. Being a fairy godmother was hard work.
“Olivia, come on!”
Maria's harsh voice cut through my train of thought. How I hated that girl. Of course, she wasn't a girl really anymore; she was middle-aged, but she was younger than my 500 years so I liked to call her a girl. Her position was higher than mine – she didn't work in the front lines any more.
“Olivia, hurry up there's some one I want you to meet.”
Space
“I'm coming Maria.”
As I walked into the room she whispered something to the man beside her. He was a young fairy godfather, changed probably a month or so ago I guessed, but he was probably about my age in human years.
“Olivia, pay attention please!”
Space
I snap to attention.
“As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, Olivia, Regan will be your partner for a few years so he can learn the ropes. Olivia, I'm sure you don't need to be explained to about what is going to happen next.”
“No thanks, Maria, I've done it a few times before.” My politeness was forced. I hope she didn't notice.
“Hello Olivia.”
“Hello, Regan. What kind of fairy godfather would you like to be?”
“Um....”
“I'm sorry I often forget how it is to be new. It's been 500 years. Anyways, there are magical, supportive, life changing, guardian, live in--”
“Okay, I get the point. Could you e-mail me a full list and I'll look over it and get back to you?”
“Sure, that works. How about we get together next week for lunch?”
“How about tomorrow instead?"
Space
“It'll take you much longer than that to look over that list and to decide pick a few just in case classes are full.”
“Okay...”
Deleted extra spaces
As I walked away I laughed. I imagined him looking at the 2.5 million different types; it would be hilarious.
Space
I was so busy thinking that I almost passed my office. Delete Oopsidaisy. I sighed; I'd forgotten why I'd come. I paused for a moment.Then I remembered I'd come to change out of my uniform into some real clothes - ones that didn't make me look like I'm a nurse. I changed into my hot ping bat girl t-shirt and a pair of baggy army pants. I tried to decide what shoes to wear. Neon yellow pumas, gold Nikes or hot pink Coverse? I know I dress like a freak, but if we all looked the same the world would be pretty boring wouldn't it?
Space
I think I'll go with the pumas.
* * * * *
Regan
I went to take a quick look at my e-mail and then go to lunch at le ristorante. Little did I know that there were 2.5 million options to look through that day. I ended up not going to lunch. Sucks to be me, eh?
Space
I didn't think it would be so hard when you die you get three options live again as another person not remembering anything of your first life, go work in heaven keeping the world from falling apart, or you could become a fairy god parent. I guess you already know what I chose.
As to the actually story in itself, it was pretty good. I'm interested. This is a good beginning for a plot. Also pretty creative. I guess I have nothing else to say. Keep writing.
Points: 1068
Reviews: 582
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