KJ

It's finally here. Sorry it took so long. And it isn't even that much... NITPICKS: “Honey!” She’s frantic now, but he doesn’t look up, doesn’t acknowledge her. This felt awkward ...

Hey, Ash. I've already made and given you my corrections. But I have to again emphacize, as Esme already has, that slave's should not act as Lyra did. They were ...

NITPICKS: In the hotel that we were staying in, they thought I was his mother. I skimmed the other comments, and I have to agree when it was mentioned that ...

Hey. In general, I like the idea of this. However, as you seem to be aware of, this needs work. I don't have much time but I wanted to point ...

This was funny. I don't know if you meant it to be, but I actually laughed. Just one thing: Stealthily, I advance towards the kitchen table, to confront a small ...

Hey. In general, I liked this. The only thing I can think of right now to suggest is to slow it down a bit. Preferably around the part where you ...

NITPICKS: I didn’t even realize it was happening the first time it happened. This is not good for a beginning sentence. I've learned that beginning a piece with I is ...

I am here just to give you simple opinion. I have two huge issues with this: First, I think that you should expand the entries. They're far too short for ...

Okay, I'm back! Let's get started... NITPICKS: Down through the snowy, winding never-ending tree roads south of Boston lays a small town called Lakeville. Too many adjectives in this. The ...

I just finished telling this to another writer: I don't like stories beginning in a classroom. It's too typical. This is just my opinion, of course, but I feel a ...

Hey. I'm short of time, but since no one has reviewed this yet I thought I'd tell you what I think, in general (such as my opinion is). You need ...

NITPICKS: I always was tall, even when I was a kid. I think this would flow better if you switched was and always around so it reads like this: I ...

Hey. I've read all the chapters, and this is the first one I've commented on, and I'm sorry I'm so unhelpful. I was so sucked into the story that I ...

Hey JFW. Just letting you know that I actually printed this out and suggested a lot of changes, but I have yet to learn how to scan it in - ...

I think you need a better hook. Short stories - because they're so short - need something to catch and keep the reader's attention. This didn't do it for me. ...