Justagirl

Hi there, welcome to Young Writers Society! I'm glad you've figured it out so far and posted this poem in the right place... Well, onto the review: All alone we ...

You shadows plays upon my heart. This line seems a little random compared to the stanza that its in. It seems as if you'd be able to make another stanza ...

The most frustrating thing was that I had no control over what my subliminal psyche brought to the fore; forcing me to relive. An hour after my horrific experience with ...

Heya books! So, I liked this beginning - I think your novel has promise. Anyways, onto the nitpicks: Her convertible - I think you kind of try to rub it ...

Radiant topaz swirls rippled the sky. Beautiful description :) I burst inside. This sentence is kind of random and unneeded. If you melded it with the sentence after it 'The ...

Staring down at the ice-cream fruit - salad, That lay s in front of me . It lets me have more, I ts sweet taste tingles in my mouth, I ...

Beatiful!! :D I saw no problems with this and think it is a wonderful piece. You might want to add a bit of scenery description in though. Just 2-3 sentences ...

The wrong girl who looks so right . That you would ride off into the sunset like some freakin’ cliché. This you could make into two lines and 'freakin'' really ...

Until two Friday’s past , When a hail of bullets Also, I think that the whole stanza that these lines are in is a little long. It's all one sentence ...

“Well I say that judging by your acting skills you could pretty much kick ass any one that auditions on that stage,” said Vanessa winking, “You’re determined to get that ...

Winds gusting , snatching words Winds Gusting, snatching words out of the mouths of the children who silently plea for mercy from an unknown image created by their gaurdians who ...

Cute poem. This has great rhyme scheme but you really need to add punctuation. Also, look through it and read it out loud two or three times to make sure ...

Although I'm not always good at reviewing short stories, I'm going to give this a try for you. Miffed, I was about to point out she was the one who ...

Hi paperbackheart, Loved this. It was really great! The flow was wonderful (even though it only had eight lines), and I also loved your word structure. It's always a bit ...

This had great rhyme in the beginning, but a lot of the time is was kind of random and seemed very rushed... Let me give you some examples... We’re camping ...