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Re: Prologue and Ch. 1 (part 1) - The Spirits
You have a lot of bad word choices words in here, 'learnt' and 'quieten' are also bad. My browser even recognizes the former as such. The prologue piece is not ...
Feb 10, 2010 -
Re: The Amazing Talking Tree
"Far out, a talking tree! Is this an enchanted mystical farm, or something?" So forced. Completely unnatural unless the kid is a 1960's hippie. Usually a more stunned reaction exists, ...
Feb 9, 2010 -
Re: Writers block
]A piece of paper, full of endless possibilities, and for her endless frustration. She glared down at its vast emptiness, as if it were the source of all her problems. ...
Jan 23, 2010 -
Re: Listen to the guitar
It flows well, and does wrap up quite nicely. I do not know why you did not separate the stanzas. This would give a longer pause to further pronounce the ...
Jan 17, 2010 -
Re: Memory.
You use the senses well and that flows, but it needs more depth and emotion. The last two lines try to pull this together, but is lacking. Also it should ...
Jan 16, 2010 -
Re: Balema - A world of many Elements
Just to be mindful. The max distance most would be able to see should still be able to see it from far away but not excessively far. Height of mountain ...
Jan 9, 2010 -
Re: In the shadows preview... (12+)
It's just too much too fast. There is not even a firm setting before we get into this absolutely weird fantasy. It simply runs, description, something special, description, something special, ...
Jan 3, 2010 -
Re: Story I'm working on....
Nice and effective. Good style, but a few points to comment on. Specifics such as age and the matter of facial hair... a few days doesn't mean scruffy for most. ...
Jan 2, 2010
