Jester

Thank you very much for your critiques Hannah and June. As I read my story again, I realize that the verbosity could be significantly slimmed down. And June! I really ...

I thank both of you for your critiques. I've always felt a little weak on writing dialogue, but you two really shed some light on where it could be improved. ...

Would it make a bit more sense to you if I told you that they were 3 separate vignettes? The dialogue is not necessarily related to the other two parts. ...

All her points were valid, so don't overreact so much. It's simply a criticism.

I enjoy the wording, but I think the way you cut the lines kind of murders the flow. I can see a very good poem before my eyes, except the ...

Thanks for the comments! You both bring up very good points. With the 'my brother' part, I guess I was aiming for repetition for effect, but like you said, I ...

Alright, I see. I often overdo the commas and somehow I find a way to justify it that doesn't make sense. Thanks!

no comma after 'how' no comma after 'child.' Are you sure this needs to be done? I placed those commas because I made an interruption into the sentence, and it ...