Old Story

by Jester
  • October 16, 2006
  • Other

Not exactly sure how to delete this.

Comments & reviews · 6
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
seeminglymeaningless
Comment
seeminglymeaningless commented · Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:14 am

If you don't want people to see this story, simply " hide" it to other viewers.

User avatar
Jester
Comment
Jester commented · Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:28 am

Alright, I see.
I often overdo the commas and somehow I find a way to justify it that doesn't make sense.

Thanks!

User avatar
Emerson
Comment
Emerson commented · Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:19 am

well I thought so because "I reflected on how out of all the things I could not remember as a child I remembered the day we found him" is one full sentence that needs no interruption, not to mention the use of nine commas in one sentence either calls for semicollon, or a rewrite somewhere ;-)

User avatar
Jester
Comment
Jester commented · Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:12 am

no comma after 'how' no comma after 'child.'


Are you sure this needs to be done? I placed those commas because I made an interruption into the sentence, and it could still function properly without the phrase between the two commas.

User avatar
Emerson
Review
Emerson wrote a review · Mon Oct 16, 2006 12:57 am

It were ass if it were happening now
as, typo.

you should make it a rule to read over everything before posting several times so as to catch these sort of silly mistakes ;-)

My mom exited in the same fashion, and I was still staring out, speechless, just letting the memories hit me one by one.
I think you might be missing a verb in here, or something...

I grabbed the coat I had received yesterday and waited for so long.
I'm not sure that you just receiving the coat yesterday has any relevance, does in come into play later? was it your birthday? Christmas? did you just go shopping?

I walked down the to closely examine the box
then.

It was wrapped so nicely that one may of thought it was a Christmas gift.
I'm guessing you said "may of" because it sounds like "may've" which is the proper wording. "may have thought"

and how I often slept with right by my side.
and how I often slept with him right by my side.

Most of all, I reflected on how, out of all the things I could not remember as a child, I remembered the day we found him, the time spent with him, and all the trust, solace, and compassion I had put into one of my closest friends, Orzo, the cat.
no comma after 'how' no comma after 'child.'

It was good. I didn't particularly like it, but I didn't dislike it either. I'm neutral to it. It didn't bring out your feelings as far as I could tell. You should consider foreshadowing that the memoir is about your dead cat near the beginning. And, always keep in mind, real life is not as interesting as fiction ;-)



My existence is political. And love is my statement.
— Kevin Abstract