Jennafina

Doom was imminent. Up 'till this, there's been lots of showing and no telling, which is great. This is melodramatic and unnecessary. Haha, that sounds really mean. XD It was ...

The way you start makes me think this story is going to have a humorous tone, but after the prologue, it doesn't. Maybe you could change it to a more ...

Hey Stup! Your poem had a nice flow, but I didn't like all the clichés. 'A lonely path,' 'cheap whore', 'illusion of beauty'; none of those are anything I haven't ...

The sound of glass shattering and screams echoed threw his room vents, their fight was heard clearly in his tiny room. Should be through. Threw is the past tense of ...

They were people, tiny and golden, smiling at him; overjoyed that he could see them and what's more, that he should he play with them. I think you've got an ...

Yay! A HP fanfiction with Tonks! She's one of my favorite characters, and Tonks/Lupin is adorable. Okay, right. Your critique. To show her that though one may be sad about ...

Very suspenseful! I'm liking Nicholas a lot. My friends, however, they do not share my taste in elegance. This is kind of cliché. Oh no, I would never kill you, ...

Hey Fantasyartist! There was a feeling of cleanliness about the room and the carried the distinct smell of cleaning agents. I think there's a typo in this sentence. It's great ...

*Rated R for goriness* I hope you don't mind. People do need a warning, though. You don't need to put your story in a quote. It Began... [I'd already killed ...

Right away I like how the reader is dumped in the middle of things without a clue as to what's going on. Very cool. I stepped back and smoothed my ...

I like all the descriptions. They're really vivid, and I can tell exactly what's going on. For just being dead, Kyle recovers quickly. It seems like he's up on his ...

Hey Nyconz421! Your story has a really interesting premise, and I like how you tell it from different perspectives. It's kind of got the feel of an animal stalking its ...

I think instead of putting words in all caps for emphasis, you should use italics. Caps stand out too much. “That was beautiful, Mike,” I told him, crinkling my nose ...

Hey! Thanks a lot for double spacing everything. :) “I told you not to fail, Sykin. Did I not make the message clear enough?” Achilles’ voice was low and dangerous ...

Hey, paper-kimono. :) Welcome to YWS! Please review two things by other people for each story/poem you post. You'll get more critiques that way, too. She is lucky. And she ...