JC

There were quite a few mistakes in this, but I think you should find them on your own. Something that really, really bugged me, was the fact that you seemed ...

Azila seemed to catch the mistakes I found, so I really don't have much to say. I think that the secrecy of it all was done well, and I loved ...

Seeing as last time I overwhelmed you with edits, I'll just go with a different kind of critique this time. :? Characters: Dylan: I guess this part is supposed to ...

They ran, lungs filled to bursting as they took in deep joyful breaths of the sweet-smelling air in the valley. Pushing themselves as hard as they could, sweat pouring off ...

Sorry kid, but you've got to change this to rated r. The F word, even used once calls for an R rating. I know, weird, but true. So you've got ...

I realize that you'll probably get a million other critiques, so I'll just answer your questions... Questions: 1. Is it too melodramatic? 2. Do my characters feel real? 3. Is ...

One group of boys were seeing who could spit the farthest out of the window. Should be 'was'. If you don't believe me, read it out loud and see which ...

A sutle voice just merely over a whisper led me down the hall of endless florescent lighting. Yet somehow she's still sitting? Don't be so abstract, it takes away more ...

Jaresh, you cannot lead yourself down this path. You realize you do nothing for yourself through these pranks, only cause more trouble for yourself," Thara's eyes saddened, and she broke ...

Wow. Whatever you were doing, you pulled it off very well. The characters were developed, and the writing clean and elegant. What do you need critiques for? haha. If there ...

[pre] Tonya scurried down the alley, her tail swished behind her. She was to meet her lover. The baby was coming. Kane and she would meet secretly every few weeks. ...

There were a few unimportant typo's, but other than that, not bad at all. My only concern is why you left the first few pages out. What did I miss ...

It's a nice concept, and the writing isn't bad to go with it. I don't have any critiques that haven't already been touched on, so I can't be of much ...

Most others pretty much hit the nail on the head with their critiques. It seemed awkward and confusing at parts. The writing itself was very well done, but the exceution ...

Okay, um...I haven't done a critique in a while, so let's see if it's anything like riding a bike. The Good: What I did like about this piece was that ...