JC

So I had this lovely, long critique for this, and it got deleted by the stupidity of my computer, so here's the gist of it. Look over this once very ...

Again, I think this was a very good first draft. There were some nitpics, but they weren't distracting in quantity. Plot: You seem to be going somewhere, and that's good. ...

I trust the others to have already checked for all the nitpics, and I'll just go straight to the story itself. I think, and I mean no offense, but it ...

You have a lot of the same issues I pointed out in the prologue. Something I'm noticing is that this is a very traumatic story, and seeing as it's true ...

From a purely plot and content point of view, this isn't the best way to start a story. I know, it's like a writer's cliche to start off with an ...

And I was still calling my own mother “Mommy”, had just shed the habit- an art, as I regarded it- of thumbsucking and finally trashed my crayons in favor of ...

Angry because he had dragged me here in the middle of the night when he could have done so in the morning. And relieved because I was no longer drowning ...

Um...what? Honestly, I was confused through most of it. You know, you could replace some of that strong language with strong emotion. Yeah, I get the point, "anger, cuss, cuss, ...

she wondered as she looked out at the passing strangers beyond the glass of her window. There are entirely too many words in this sentece so it feels like it ...

It seemed as though someone had come along with an artists set, erased her colour and added deep lines to her face and dark shadows beneath her eyes. At first, ...

Hey, did you post this twice? Appears so...Okay, here are my suggestions: Go to the community forums, and to the welcome section, there you will find FAQ's and Rules. Read ...

I hurried after my friends as they made their way past the mailbox that stood perpendicular with the highway. This sounds like a run-on sentence to me. The mailbox standing ...

and the sea around me seemed to trap me I would suggest taking out the repetition of the word me in this sentence. Though that was the only flaw I ...

The nurses always put me back in the same position they found me in, after they finish their poking and prodding, and that's fine with me. It seems like this ...

Basically I’m your normal teenager. No, scratch that. I’m completely original. I have dark brown hair. Unlike my mother, who has the godly golden locks of curls that every girl ...