Incandescence

The last line made me...gag. You can do better than a string of words that are as empty as a gutted fish. You need an image to conclude with; otherwise, ...

:smile:

The first two lines were a rip-off of Clarkson.

Bret Ellis, perchance? He's an amazing author.

Heehee. Journal entries are so much fun to post... But uhm, yeah, in the way of fragmentation, there is a line that says that nothing ever ends. Hence the little ...

Heehee. Don't worry. I don't bite...too hard. Actually, this was more or less written for someone with your [cape]abilities.

Reviews, people, reviews! :taps foot impatiently:

Either you're still insane or I am hallucinogenic, which I have assumed for some time, now.... Anyway, one last reccomendation for your consideration. The lines: and your small brown shoes ...

I've long suspected guitarists are liars...

No. It's supposed to be a poem; what you pull from it is different than what others pull from it, and, sometimes, even different than the author's intent.

XXX - heehee. And I agree with you about the revisions. Such is the result of writing poems in the little gray submission box and not going back to edit ...

That's what I thought. :wink:

I :heart: Kim... figuratively speaking, of course. Wouldn't want any of you perverts to get the wrong idea.

:snicker: It's called french-kissing.

Um...I'm a guy. This "story" is written from my perspective. Furthermore, it is not a "fiction" piece, as it follows actual events. The ambiguity and seemingly random phrases inserted into ...