Incandescence

To make it clear, the suggestions I made were that you a) throw this away and b) try something else. The first is fairly easy to implement. Good luck, Brad

Smorg - "Suffered accordingly" is horrific as a sonic. Listen to it: "Suffered" flows smoothly and then is abruptly cut off by the hard "ed." You then introduce a hard ...

*Updated*

3. is posted. As a note, 3 and 4 were originally going to be chapter 3. However, I think splitting them and leaving 3 as a clearly demarcated panorama (of ...

Added #2.

Commando588, This is an undistinguished list of events that tries unsuccessfully to be profound at the close. A weak concept balanced by weak execution. Throw this away. Try something else. ...

HelpSOS, This is gimmicky garbage. Throw it away now and actually try writing poetry that doesn't require tricks to sustain itself. Best, Brad

OverEasy, Why would you even bother posting this if you're aware it's not the best you have to offer? As it is, it's a waste of our time and yours ...

Clockworks, I see what you're doing, and ask: Why? As a descriptive piece, there isn't anything particularly wrong with it (also not anything particularly good about it). As anything more ...

Cade-- Again I can only refer you back to the Mueske poem. The problem, in hindsight, is that what everyone is responding to is only half the deck of cards--an ...

Thanks Via. I have been toying with ending S3 on "leave" instead of "go". I think it would push the reader into the next strophe without it being so clumsy. ...

Via-- The linebreak was intentional (Suz's catch wasn't), but I suppose if its intent wasn't obvious, it isn't working, and something needs to be reworked. Best, Brad

Lindsaroo, You need more than simple statement of wish and desire for a poem to be effective. Best, Brad

jwoot14-- The problem is that the "meaning" of this poem has been "grsp"ed about nine hundred times before already--you have produced nothing even slightly new to this topic, instead collapsing ...

jwoot14-- Not only is cussing generally frowned upon, it's also explicitly forbidden when directed in a derisive way towards other members. That I and others found your work unappealing is ...