Lindsaroo,
You need more than simple statement of wish and desire for a poem to be effective.
Best,
Brad
Ok, a word to the wise, this poem is cursed. If you read it something terrible might happen. (Or not) It murdered a spider and I'm sure it can do far worse. ((No, this isn't one of those "My poem sucks. Don't read it." things.)) I just want to warn you all that it is capable of terrible things, but if you're fearless, then read it please. 
I'm gonna laugh
When he stabs you in the back,
And breaks your heart
Like I told you he would.
But you deserve it.
And I'll be glad when he does it,
Because you took him from me.
Do you know how hard it is
To see your best friend
Go out with your crush?
It hurts like my heart
Was stuck in a blender
And set on puree.
But I've cleaned it out
And now it's ready for you.
You'll soon be alone
But I'll have my new beau.
I'm gonna laugh
When you show me your tear-stained crap
That you dare to call poetry.
You think you are pretty
But under all that make-up
You look worse than the monsters
That live under my bed.
You think you have friends
But they're worse than you.
The second he leaves you
Everyone else will too.
Because they're gonna race
To be his new girl.
And you'll be tossed out
Of your fantasy world.
I'm gonna laugh
When you take your life
Because you think you're worthless
And weren't good enough.
No, I'm not that cruel.
And I don't think suicide is funny,
But your stupidity was.
For no one will ever be good enough
For that son of a bitch.
But I knew to move on
While he loved you...to death.
My patern kinda skips from 4 lines to 3, but I just couldn't make it all one number, sorry.
Lindsaroo,
You need more than simple statement of wish and desire for a poem to be effective.
Best,
Brad
* is laughing my guts out*
this was by far the most intertaining poem i have read. you took the strong emotions we all feel, and put them on paper that actually made us smile. this was so great
just as intertaining was reading the comments, ok i have to go now, but stomach hurts. cant stop laughing.
kudos to you
kim
*stands back*
Uh...cool! Interesting and dark. I've felt that way before. It surprised me when you cussed though, cuz I've never heard you cuss. Anyway, good bye!
*runs off before I get hung*
BBB
Ha!
Sorry about that, but I just started maniacally when I read how the poem killed the spider. *giggles nervously*
But anyways, the poem was awesome. Kind of emo in a way that I appreciate...an emo-ish vibe that isn't totally cliche.
The rhythm was excellent and I really liked the raw emotion in it.
Keep up the good work,
.:Ayra:.
It was good. The fact that you were very grounded in an emotion, whether it was real or not, made the poem that much better. I've seen this emotion in other people, this kind of cheerful (or maniacal) vindictiveness that is usually justified. You took it and ran with it, and for that, I congratulate you. But the poem does seem slightly like an 'emo'-y rant. Eh, that's not a bad thing. I'm just getting the mental image of a girl crying with dark mascara running down her face in black streaks, while writing furiously with one of those obnoxious feather-tipped pens in a journal that she usually hides under her bed. Black tears dripping on the page, thunder echoing outside, maniacal chuckles while writing, etc.
Lindsay, I love you, and I love your poem! It was amazing; I can't tell you how many times I have felt like that, and I could really feel the emotion. I wish I could write a longer crit, but no more needs be said!
Lot's of Love!
~Bella~
Snoink wrote:Okay! I must ask... how exactly did this poem kill a spider? XD
Ok...Really...disturbing...*looking around for something*
Is this poem for...um...someone you hate?*keeps his lightsaber close*
Overall it is good...buy disturbing.*moving slowely back*
Poor woman.*Starts running*
Okay! I must ask... how exactly did this poem kill a spider? XD
But this poem is... weird. It reminds me slightly of a Beatles song in which John Lennon is singing this song, lovingly titled, "Run for your Life."
But yeah. It's kind of funny and very sadistic, lol.
Okay, this was really good. I loved the feelings, the dark nature of this. I especially loved this stanza:
You think you are pretty
But under all that make-up
You look worse than the monsters
That live under my bed.
Gosh, there have been many times that I've felt like this.
I liked this, it was full of emotion; anger, hate, sadness? I enjoyed reading it and the flow was really good, and worked well with the imagery.
This happens a lot to girls I think, 'cause you always get the sneaky one that ends up going out with the boy that you like, but then it all goes wrong and you think; poo to you, pooface. If you get my drift.
Anyhoo, lovely.
What did you do, read the poem to a spider and it keeled over and died? 
Anyway great poem! great sense of emotion..
Wow, That was creeply good. I think you did this well. But like what Rick said, are you wishing it on some one? Is this a true story? I am scarred, um... bye! :runs away as quick as I can: 
Later,
-- M.B.Author
so...sacared....disturbed...both....*sucks thumb*
so, is this...one of those badluck things? *looks around nervously*
but nice
now, if youll excuse me, i have to run for my live
*runs away screaming*
vince
Umm.....Wow are you ok? It's really good but are you wishing this on someone?
*hugs*
-Rick
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