Incandescence

Sara, Your voice is what could really drive this poem. I like some of this for that reason, in parts. It suffers from being "navelish" in the sense that the ...

Swottielottie-- Two fundamental definitions: 1. Journal entry / Blog--Writing in which the writer tells the reader what emotions the writer is experiencing or what happens during some event. 2. Poem--

Swottielottie, Did you pull this from Grey's Anatomy (the text, obviously)? Besides lacking all elements of poetry, it is generally bad. Poetry is more than a collection of linebreaks. Try ...

Swottielottie-- Welcome to the YWS Poetry forums; I am glad you've decided to join us here--if you're willing to try, you can learn a lot from our diverse group. However, ...

Elizabeth, Thank you for the encouraging words. Best, Jack, I am considering replacing 'star-dewed' with 'starry-dewed'; it at least remedies the second stanza. However, the first becomes then problem

Hi lexy, Having read your poem, I see that it is indeed a "first poem"--the work of a beginner. That's not bad. None of us would be here if we ...

Hi Chandni, The first two stanzas are okay; however, they aren't not bad. The words don't arouse anything within me. Leaves and ocean as metaphor for love(rs)? You're beating a ...

Hi Guys, Thank you, for reading and responding. I very much appreciate your willingness to speculate. Jiggity, The one word lines are probably intrinsically irritating...but I think each forces a ...

Jack-- Very strong writing. However, "but rages in the off-key \ beating of two hearts." seemed to me to be itself off-key. Perhaps this is the point. Below is just ...

Hi Jester, Despite my usual objections to political poetry, you decently pulled this off. I could at least feel and read a real emotional attachment to the issue. While the ...

lexy, This is awful. The rhyme and meter is erratic and the overall effect is that of an unfocused rant that was tossed off in about twenty seconds of writing. ...

Jiggity, This is junk. The one-word lines are ridiculous. They indicate immediately that your work is beginner-level. What did you think was coherent, here? I am having difficulty both understanding ...

Cathy-- Good grief. Poetry involves more than the ability to hit the Enter key. The language here is old, the images familiar. In the future, it would be rewarding to ...

Hi walawala, Welcome to the Young Writers Society. First, posting something in the poetry forums does not make it poetry. This, for instance, is a good example of such a ...

Hi Cornelius_Quinnsomer, You're painting a moody, disturbing scene with machine-gun lines. It's a lousy mix. The overabundance of adjectives where we got it the first time only reinforce a pedantic/di