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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
lexy,
This is awful. The rhyme and meter is erratic and the overall effect is that of an unfocused rant that was tossed off in about twenty seconds of writing.
This does not belong in the poetry forums; this is, as Dream Deep said, suitable for your blog, or a post in the Randomness forum. Here in Poetry, however, we expect serious attempts to create something; by posting this here, you have wasted our time and yours.
Take care,
Brad
Er... I find this just a tiny bit pointless.
A good blog entry, perhaps, but just a little pointless for poetry.
A very good personal exercise for overcoming your block but not of very fine quality in the realm of poetry.
This part I encourage you to keep should you do a re-write. I liked it very much and it helps the piece. The hyena, the dragon... the entire first stanza for that matter do not add, in my opnion.
If this was merely an exercise to exorcise (pardon that) your writer's block, it's fine, but if you're actually considering making this poetry, I think it demands some definite... ah.... rewriting.
Sorry if this wasn't the best news...
How did I do???
Where are the critiques.... ?