GryphonFledgling

I second BBB up above me. He caught the edits I was going to point out and he makes some good points. This has a whole lot of potential. Already, ...

This was really cute, but I do have to echo the earlier question: how did this little guy get all of his mom's money? I do like how in the ...

I actually liked the narration, despite it being far from the voice of your average eight year-old. It was great because it was still simplistic, despite the rather large vocabulary. ...

Very nice. I liked the idyllic description of the baby's room. I was a little confused as to why there was a bed there when the baby is obviously still ...

Hey there and welcome to YWS! Yeah, I have to second what coryab said above me. So far, while we have an interesting setting, we really have no hook. So ...

Very nice. The language of the poem was amazing. It just worked. I will say, the title of the poem was what caught my attention. I looked at that and ...

I didn't think this piece was all that long, but I do second chocoholic about the review thing. It makes everyone much happier. This looks like it could be interesting, ...

*sniggers* I loved how the guy is totally oblivious and almost innocent and the girl is really jaded and emotionless. It totally isn't the conventional couple at all, nor the ...

Interesting. I'm curious now. It read really well all the way through up until the last few paragraphs with the whole bathroom visit. For some reason, I just couldn't seem ...

I have to say, I do like the empowerment of the women and the putting of men in their places. *evil feminist laugh* Nah, just kidding. I'm all about equal ...

Awww... This was really sweet. I could kind of tell where it was going from the beginning (the storyline was a little predictable) but it was so cute. :) 'K, ...

I liked this. It was interesting and fun to read, and yet still had a lot of emotional weight. I agree most of what Sam said and point to it ...

I liked it so far. As of yet, however, there didn't seem to be much of a plot. If you are going to continue this (please do, your writing is ...

Hmmm... I will say that this confused me a bit. The main thing was the infodumps in the dialogue that actually didn't reveal anything. The dialogue felt a bit stunted ...

It was a little hard for me to get into, but I think it was partially because it was an excerpt and I hadn't had the entire book to get ...