I hate our twentysomething year old, too happy math teacher, Ms. Laughlin. She likes to stand in front of the class and toss her lustrous blonde hair from one shoulder to the other like she should be in a hair care commercial instead of teaching 10th graders how to count. She said with a fake smile, “Today, we have a test.” She liked to keep things short. More time for the hair flip. Chris Crocker would be proud. She handed out the test and I looked down at the used-to-be tree. I picked up my pencil and started the sixty question long test. The first fifty questions were so simple; my 7 year old sister could do it. But then I got to question fifty-one. The question said:
51. What is the sum of 2 times x to the third power times pi plus 3 times
y to the eighth power times pi squared when x is 3 times the sum of y
and pi and when y is 8 times pi?
What? I looked over to my friend, Chandra, to see if she was stuck on that one, too. She was still on number twelve, which was:
12. What is 12 times 15?
She looked over and saw that I was on fifty-one. Her eyes grew twice their size when she saw my paper. She glanced at the clock. Her eyes got wider. I looked up, too. I had 5 minutes left. I just guessed on the last ten. Then the bell that I have been waiting for finally came. The end of 5th period! I gathered my books and my black iPod Nano that just happened to be in my sleeve and had found its way to my ear. I shoved all my stuff into my Marilyn Manson bag that doubled as my purse and made my way to the door with the sea of others trying to run away from the math. I was halfway out and a hand landed on my shoulder, holding me back. I turned around expecting it to be Chandra, but it was Ms. Laughlin. She tossed her blonde hair and said, “Duvessa, can you see me after 6th period?” Hair flip.
“I’m on the other side of the school for sixth period.”
“I know, but do you think you can stop by on your way out? I need to give you something.” Hair flip.
“M’kay.”
“Thanks!” She said with a smile that even Barbie would think looked artificial.
I ran out before she could say anything else. I saw Chandra at her locker and told her about the meeting with Laughlin. She told me that she had to go, too. Chandra opened her locker and random papers from September flew out of her locker and displayed their D- faces on the hallway floor. She looked at something in her locker and her eyes darkened. They turned from bright sky blue to midnight blue.
“Chandra? What’s wrong?”
“Bathroom. Now.” She said. Her face paler than usual.
She strolled to the only empty bathroom in the whole school; the girls locker room. I had to basically run to keep up with her stride. I was out of breath by the time I got to the bathroom. She checked under all six stalls twice. “Stay,” she said to me in a voice that was unfamiliar. She walked to the entrance of the bathroom, opened the door, and looked around. I probably looked terrified because Chandra saw me and started to laugh. Then, she was gone. I kept telling myself, Don’t be afraid, Duvessa. This is Chandra. She wouldn’t hurt a freaking fly! It started to work, until Chandra came back in. She was wearing a midnight blue dress that was almost the color of her eyes. It was very low cut in the front. The top half was corset-like with long, flowing sleeves and the lower half was a silk midnight blue that barely touched the floor. Chandra had two other girls in tow. One had long, brunette hair pulled back into a ponytail with a dark green ribbon that matched her eyes. The other had short black hair. Her eyes were blackish-brown. They all had matching dresses except for the color, which changed depending on their eye color. Chandra said “This is Apollonia,” and pointed to the one in green, “and Gwendolyn,” and pointed to the one in brown.
As she talked, I caught a glimpse of the sharp, pearly white canines. A rush of emotions ran through me.
Jessie! *tackles you* I forgot you joined for a minute...
Anyways... I really liked this! And I can't wait to read more.
I like how you introduced the vampires... It was unique but maybe everything went a bit too fast?
That might just be me though. You're descrition of things is good and so is your vocabulary.
Keep writing! PM when you post more 
~Rachael
Interesting. I'm curious now.
It read really well all the way through up until the last few paragraphs with the whole bathroom visit. For some reason, I just couldn't seem to follow what was going on. At first I thought the two of them were both in the bathroom, but then it seemed like Duvessa was outside the bathroom. And why would she be afraid? I didn't see anything to be afraid of, just perhaps to be worried about her friend acting so weird. But there really didn't seem to be a need to be afraid of Chandra hurting her.
What kind of emotions rushed through her at the sight of the canine teeth? I would think that it would be just plain fear, with maybe some curiosity. But the "rush of emotions" bit sounds too romancy for me. It has been used so many times in a romantic context that it is a bit ruined for anything else. Another expression to denote what she is feeling there may be in order.
Anyway, good stuff. Keep on writing!
~GryphonFledgling
Not bad. 
Vampires aren't my thing, but it was well written with no major problems to it, although the last paragraph and bit of dialogue was a bit rushed. And would there be any particular reason why her friend had to change her dress, or is it just for slightly creepy effect?
Also, I wouldn't use the word 'lustrous' when describing the teacher's hair. It kind of makes it go out of style with the rest of the writing, and is kind of over the top as adjectives go.
Nice story you have going on in here, I can't wait for the next part! Here is my critique (aren't you lucky?):
I hate our twenty-something-year-old, too happy math teacher, Ms. Laughlin. She likes to stand in front of the class and toss her lustrous blonde hair from one shoulder to the other like she should be in a hair care commercial instead of teaching tenth graders how to count (haha, love this sentence!). “Today, we have a test,” she said with a fake smile (sounds better switched around). She liked to keep things short. More time for the hair flip. Chris Crocker would be proud. She handed out the test and I looked down at the used-to-be tree. I picked up my pencil and started the sixty-question long test. The first fifty questions were so simple, my 7 year old sister could do it. But then I got to question fifty-one. The question said:
51. What is the sum of 2 times x to the third power times pi plus 3 times
y to the eighth power times pi squared when x is 3 times the sum of y
and pi and when y is 8 times pi?
What? I looked over to my friend, Chandra, to see if she was stuck on that one, too. She was still on number twelve, which was:
12. What is 12 times 15? (haha!)
She looked over and saw that I was on fifty-one. Her eyes grew twice their size. She glanced at the clock. Her eyes got wider. I looked up, too. I had 5 minutes left. I just guessed on the last ten. Then the bell that I have been waiting for finally came. The end of 5th period! I gathered my books and my black iPod Nano that just happened to be in my sleeve and had found its way to my ear. I shoved all my stuff into my Marilyn Manson bag that doubled as my purse and made my way to the door with the sea of others trying to run away from the math (run-on sentence). I was halfway out [b]when a hand landed on my shoulder, holding me back. I turned around expecting it to be Chandra, but it was Ms. Laughlin. She tossed her blonde hair and said, “Duvessa, can you see me after sixth period?” Hair flip.
“I’m on the other side of the school for sixth period.”
“I know, but do you think you can stop by on your way out? I need to give you something.” Hair flip.
“M’kay.”
“Thanks!” She said with a smile that even Barbie would think looked artificial.
I ran out before she could say anything else. I saw Chandra at her locker and told her about the meeting with Laughlin. She told me that she had to go, too. Chandra opened her locker and random papers from September flew out of her locker (repeated locker so much already) and displayed their "D-" faces on the hallway floor. She looked at something in her locker and her eyes darkened (can eyes darken?). They turned from bright sky blue to midnight blue (this sounds a little weird).
“Chandra? What’s wrong?”
“Bathroom. Now,” she said. Her face paler than usual.
She strolled to the only empty bathroom in the whole school: the girls' locker room. I had to run to keep up with her stride. I was out of breath by the time I got to the bathroom. She checked under all six stalls twice.
(new paragraph)“Stay,” she said to me in a voice that was unfamiliar.
(new paragraph)She walked to the entrance of the bathroom, opened the door, and looked around. I probably looked terrified because Chandra saw me and started to laugh. Then (no comma) she was gone. I kept telling myself, Don’t be afraid, Duvessa. This is Chandra. She wouldn’t hurt a freaking fly! It started to work, until Chandra came back in. She was wearing a midnight blue dress (you already used the midnight blue imagery) that was almost the color of her eyes. It was very low cut in the front. The top half was corset-like with long, flowing sleeves and the lower half was a silk midnight blue (again?) that barely touched the floor. Chandra had two other girls in tow. One had long, brunette hair pulled back into a ponytail with a dark green ribbon that matched her eyes. The other had short black hair, her eyes were blackish-brown. They all had matching dresses except for the color, which changed depending on their eye color. Chandra said, “This is Apollonia,” and pointed to the one in green, “and Gwendolyn,” pointing to the one in brown.
As she talked, I caught a glimpse of the sharp, pearly white canines. A rush of emotions ran through me.
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