GryphonFledgling

Hi, chapter four. Why do they think they have to spend the night just because it's raining? Is the rain really preventing them from leaving? Sure, if it were really ...

Okay, chapter three, here I come. The argument about the basement seemed kind of silly. I mean, they just walked in the door. How could she have been down to ...

Hello there, chapter two. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Same thing with the dialogue here as with chapter one. It should be an easy fix, just sort of bumping things ...

Been meaning to read this story for forever since I've been seeing it update periodically, and Review Day gave me an excuse. Yay! Interesting premise. This beginning blows by kind ...

Hey howdy hey. I liked this. A lot. There was something so... twisted about it that despite the subject matter, it appealed to me. Modern haunted graverobbing. Very macabre. My ...

Why, hello there! Yeah, seconding what Audrey said, this story sort of feels like it lacks cohesion. Try focusing on one aspect of it. You've got the setting itself, the ...

Hey hi! First off, the second-person narrative blew me away. I'm very leery of it (the classic example of the choose-your-own-adventure books is the first that jumps to mind), but ...

Hello hi! *whoot* Fairy-tale retellings! Only like one of my most favorite things ever! I liked this so far. Not much has happened, but I'm willing to ride it out ...

Hey hi! This sounds really interesting. I like the relationship between the siblings and the whole family dynamic. Very sweet. However, I know that the narrator loves her sister and ...

Hello, hello! Pretty much seconding what wickedwonder said. The language here was pretty, but it was really kind of overblown. I actually lost track of what was happening a few ...

Well, hello there! I'll be honest with you, I wasn't too keen on this when I first started. It grew on me, but in the end, I was still a ...

Ooooh, shiiiny. Erm, I'm going to have to second and third Stella and Snoink that this beginning seems to go by really quickly. A lot of questions are raised and ...

Shiny-kins! This one feels so much darker than the last piece, all sad and terrifying and bloody, as opposed to the sort of dark whimsy of the last one. The ...

Quick-n-dirty notes here. Not that all seven-year-olds in the world put the dates down in their diaries, but it might help with framing a little. I wasn't quite sure how ...

Hey oh! First, I just want to say I like your titling theme. I don't know what it is about it, but I find it interesting. Second, just like the ...