GryphonFledgling

Is this about zombies? Because it seems like it's about zombies. Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I love it. I just want to be sure. I ...

Hey-oh! Haven't read the original, so I'll just go on what I have here, mmkay? I liked this. It was sweet and rambly and sad. But I liked the voice ...

Soul protectors just can’t have more than one child. I was three when you were born. They brought you home, I saw you once, and then I was sent to ...

Plowing onward! He came over to me, just a foot or two away, and reached out to grab my hand. Whoa, no asking permission first? I mean, she only just ...

Whoop, spacing's a little wonky here too. Goes from blocky to spaced out correctly to blocky again. Fix? or ate each other, which I thought was disgusting We think it's ...

Yay for more detailed notes! Also: review points/count! *evil cackle* Consider this in addition to the PM I sent you. I sighed and pushed myself off the wall, not wanting ...

Hey-oh! Here to read more after your wonderful intro-- Waugh! Wall of text! *eyes bleed* This is a minor thing, but it's really important: make sure your spacing carries through ...

Ooooh, color me intrigued. A putrid disgust of bleh. Erm, this makes no sense. I get the gist of what you mean and I love the idea of using "bleh" ...

Little mouthfuls of birds open You're referring to the birds' mouths here, but as written now, it sounds like there are folks somewhere with birds inside their mouths and are ...

*glomps* However, when there was no light, he appeared dark and menacing and only his purple eyes flashed... Okay, so it's nitpicky, but this actually confused me for a minute. ...

Well, hello there! Mmm, I liked the style here. Feels very classical and fits the story quite well. Nice. And you manage to pull it off without getting excessively word, ...

Waugh! *flail* Huge wall of text! Eyes bleeding! *ahem* Yeah, this was immediately hard to read just because of the formatting. It's a really small thing, but it's really important, ...

Hey-oh! I liked the idea behind this, being a sort of psuedo-fairy tale. Quite interesting and a little sad. I would have liked to have seen a little more of ...

Back again! Whoop, we're back to the center alignment again. For realzies, it's hard to read. Strongly suggest that being left-aligned, I do. Wait, wha? We just skipped five months?! ...

Heyup! 'Kay, so RachaelElg already talked about the paragraph spacing, but it bears repeating: space! It breaks up the Text Wall of Doom (tm). But yay for left alignment! I ...