Griffinkeeper

Fair enough, just don't expect a lot of comments on it.

So, what I'm going for is unexpected, but easily imaginable?

I liked it, even though I'm not sure how it goes. Thus, it is Tolkien-esque.

Sounds very Tolkien-esque.

I haven't. Maybe you can read it and submit a proper book review when you finish?

It is too bunched together.

Anyways, saying the "wind had come up," is passive and a little awkward. Saying that the "wind was coming up," or the "wind was picking up," might sound better. That ...

I am so very glad that you aren't in any regular contact with little kids, otherwise this might catch on, thus forcing me to kill you. This could be very ...

When you say blackmail do you mean imprisioned? For blackmail, both the parties have to know that one party did something bad. Just make sure you know what it means. ...

Emily the slave. Okay... what era of history is this?

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

I hate questions like that. If you want to add to it, add to it. That's your right as the author. I do think it is short. Seems more like ...

Ah, so warm and fuzzy. Not quite the touch of humor that Mom and Dad put in our Youth Ministry Letter though, you might want to work on that.