Griffinkeeper

Being a lady, acting quite bravely, she yelled at him loudly to go. I think loudly kind of slows the pace of the sentence too fast. Llama is right also, ...

The dialogue is poor, simply because the relationship between Lord Garanhe and Garam is so poorly defined. See the previous chapter for my commentary on this. Then rewrite this to ...

Sloooooow down there a minute. Things are happening way too quickly! I'd take the entire chapter and devote it to establishing the character of Lord Garanhe. Certain things could be ...

Instead of some comment about how bad you are in the thread title, you should actually put down the name of the poem. Also, I hate it when people put ...

I think you could have divided the middle paragraph into two different paragraphs, one about going on the adventures and another on how your perilous ride began. I really enjoyed ...

thats good but what does this word mean ecstasy just so i can get it in my volcabulary This is just too horrible. He really said: "That's good, but what ...

I found the description lacking. Let me describe it like a movie. Let's say that a writer is the director, the characters are the actors, and the setting is the ...

I think your character is way too young. The dialogue, the thoughts, the perception, it just doesn't suit a three year old. A three year old simply isn't old enough ...

Here is a quick run through. I found the girl's character rather angsty, so I didn't focus on the storytelling aspect. I did focus on the grammar aspect though. Here ...

Just skimmed it, but I did like this line: Jonathan exploded outside, the door banging violently against the wall. Man, his Mom's having a bad day. First her husband dies, ...

It isn't merely an issue of spelling, but of readability in general. The sheer amount of randomness makes it difficult to navigate, let alone determine what is important and what ...

i don't get it how was I bad mouthing Micheal , if you mean when i said his story was crap several times that was a joke , also an ...

He turned and was looking up at the gunman's face, filled with fury. "What is that phone doing on the floor," he said calmly. Wait a minute, one moment the ...

y es. so any crit you guys wnat to leave, it would be lovely Alright, in order: 1. You didn't capitalize the first letter of the sentence. Come on, this ...

Useful translations - Gorah ai - a traditional Sidhe greeting Nai - Sidhe equivalent of 'No' carys - my heart, or beloved in Sidhe I'm sorry, this is one of ...