Published March 11, 2006
Ok, here's another one of my favorites and it's a rough draft and more spoken word than my typical poetry, so keep that in mind....
Reach out for me, I'll calling out to you
I hear your footsteps, I felt when you grew
My essence is in the air, I know the poison you do
But never commanded you free will, that was all you
Only you, I and God know what you'll be
I'm just the line between a life you'll likely never see
You can't deny my existence, I don't understand your perplexity
Of why standing so close to me creates it's own ecstasy
I'll escort you to Hades in my cherry red Mercedes
Taint you with greed, drugs, a pool pit, or strange ladies
Question your clarity to birth me cursed babies
Tell you Bush is your friend, and needs you to join the Navy
If you seduce me past what's healthy, I'll suck you in and claim you as mine
You'll feel me when the shiver claims the calmness in your spine
I posed luring opportunity you had strength to decline
But so many do not, I am the infamous chalk line....
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141,385 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Wow, well i liked this. I think from:
...i thought was really good. i love the line
I think you meant "I'm calling out to you" in the first line instead of "i'll".
and this line "Tell you Bush is your friend, and needs you to join the Navy" was quite hard to say, i think you might need to trim it down a little.
i liked how you ended, it pleased me.
very good, looking forward to see more of your work.
This is just too horrible.
He really said: "That's good, but what does the word "ecstasy" mean? I want to get it in my vocabulary."
Well, using the all to famous dictionary.com You'll find what [url=http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=ecstasy]ecstasy[url] is.
Nothing is worse than a reviewer that can't form a sentence.
I agree with what hekategirl said.
lol, I guess I'm so use to writing in my own style (no style in particular) since I never really intended for others to read rough drafts.....When I do have an idea, I kinda do force them to rhyme but the cursed babies part? I meant cursed as in unfortunate, disadvantaged, or afflicted because they weren't planned.....Thanx for all the comments
thats good but what does this word mean ecstasy just so i can get it in my volcabulary
I like this poem but the rythem was shacky and some of the rhymes were very forced.
I think you mean "Reach out for me, I'll call out to you"
I'm not sure what you mean here, "I felt when you grew"? uh?
This line seemed to long for the beginning two.
This line was so-so.
I like this line, it breaks of the ryhme of "You" and I think you needed that.
I really, like this line.
This rhyme is very forced, "Perplexity" is too long to rhyme with "See" or "Be"
"Ecstasy" Love that word.
I really like this line, it had good imagry for me.
I don't like this line, I don't know why though.
Your lines are flowing very well from "Mercedes"
Ouch, right here, "Navy" I don't if you were trying to rhyme it or what, but it stopped the flow and made me have to stop before I continued the poem. Image a car slamming on its brakes, thats how I felt.
This line seemed to long.
This line I really like.
I don't like this line, it seemed you only wrote it because it ryhmed.
A very nice ending for me. "Chalk Line" I really love that. It has good imagry. This poem needs work but it has alot of poteinal. Keep going at it!
what I meant by strange ladies are simply women that you find attractive but could give you something much worse than a night on the town....
you forced yourself to list these and for some odd reason, even being the shortest line, it was crowded.
strange ladies? what does that mean?
otherwise i really do enjoy your poetry and beg you write more. you don't have formulated stanzas, but to each their own. it is a justifiable style.