Griffinkeeper

Some comments: 1. Silver pistol. Silver isn't common in guns for a very good reason: silver tarnishes fairly easily. Shiny weapons are also a great way to get someone's attention, ...

Night has fallen. The canvas panels in the tower above me are painted red with light. The cathedral-like space becomes almost a joke—all I see is black, white and red. ...

You should remove the prologue. If there is anything you wrote there that you can't bear to live without, then you can incorporate it in Chapter One. The reason why ...

Jane came charging in to Marcus’s room at eight in the morning. He woke up because of her voice, but he couldn’t yet comprehend what she was saying. He looked ...

Wouldn't her femininity have been known from birth? Guys have external equipment; the lack of which would be a dead give away that the baby was a baby girl. People ...

The introduction was rather experimental and in this case it didn't really work out. What broke it was the narrator. The narrator took way too much time to get to ...

The dawn of a new day begins with a single strand of light that slips delicately across the desert sand of the Sahara Desert. At first there is silence, the ...

Some of my own comments. Grace was never a girl for adventures. Oh, sure, getting lost, bordering the wrong train, that would be a great story to tell – but ...

You asked for a good ripping apart, so I'll see what I can find. It was all over now. The war’s daunting cry lead me here to this place I ...

I have some feedback. I'm not as familiar with the characters, so some parts of it might have to be adjusted for age. As they were riding, Geran could think ...

Welcome to non-fiction. This is where real stories are told. They are real stories, because they involve people or persons which are real, and accurately cover actual events. Immediately, we ...

Because everytime I laugh, another peice of me is gone Should be "every time" and "piece". As you guessed, the poem isn't all that great. First, it is navel gazing, ...

Pirate King is a better title than "King of Piracy." It is similar to that of a Merchant Prince. Or you can simply refer to the Pirate King as an ...

We the people of the Young Writer’s Society in order to create a safe internet environment free from discrimination, unfairness, dishonesty, and spam; to encourage young writers to be creative, ...

When Rune opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was his younger sister, Vesper. She was bending over him, her brown eyes wide. Glancing around blearily, he noticed his ...