GregPugn

Well, you need to change your beginning. The "I used to be normal, but now I'm not" is a cliche way to start a story. It then went on to ...

I thought that this was a nice short poem. The main problem that I encountered has already been addressed by Hawkie. The first stanza does read like the monster's name ...

Yup, that's Star Wars right there. The one thing that I think that you missed out on was changing Padme's screen name in the chat because when she is on ...

Well it is just a small teaser for a story isn't it. I'm sorry to say that you didn't captivate me at all. It need more originality. Actually, It needs ...

Your chapters are really short. This would be fine if the chapters still gave us a piece of the story but I fell like this post and the previous one ...

I really like the narrator of this story. She has a quirky sense of humor that is easy to relate to. The main problem that I found with your story ...

First of all, strong ending to a chapter. The ending creates a cliffhanger that will make the reader devour the pages. I like your writing style. I don't have any ...

This is a good prologue. I caught myself checking over my shoulder for a second just to make sure that I was still alone in my room. It is hard ...