Gladius

He he--I caught a couple mistakes! Very small things, but I caught 'em none-the-less!! :grin: *does a happy dance* Anyway-- knocked over by Susie , Susie took a sip and ...

Zohmigod! Creepier and creepier. O.o Well, let's get started: Dad said, leaning back on the couch Not so sure about this one...=/ Susie handed hers first because Teddy had gone ...

I think the easiest way to write this would be to make it a prologue, with the childrens' innocence at the time portrayed, and then shift forward to wherever the ...

Good start, Overflow! However, it has some formatting issues. Other than that, so far the grammar looks fine and punctuation isn't overly complicated, so nothing to fear...for now. On to ...

this sounds sumb but how do you actually submit your story cuz i have been having trouble It's perfectly fine. Everyone has trouble with something at least once in their ...

Ooooh- wow. I love it! I like how you've put Samus' thoughts about right and wrong into this. If this is a prologue I'm wondering how it's going to fit ...

CrystalSorceress: When Jerry first saw the Cyan, he says: Quote: I didn’t pay attention. The door began to close. I didn’t think I’d make it, but I had to. I ...

Oooooh- Who is him? Suspense!! Ok, critty time!!: " SO what do you think?" I'm guessing SO is a typo, and there should probably be a comma after it. This ...

oooh- the first day of Xmas, he gets a partridge in a pear tree and something creeepy happens... >.> What happens when he gets two turtle doves? :twisted: I like ...

The forest was green and lush, bright, vivid colours masked the sense of anticipation and foreboding in the air. That doesn't exactly work... >.> try "...was green and lush; bright, ...

Yay, I can finally be the first to review!!! :-D :backtotopic: This is good so far, Elite! I myself happen to be a fan of Doctor Who, and I must ...

Sorry if I wrote the 'review' (more of a way to gain discussion about it =P) awkwardly That's perfectly fine, Temeraire. I understand. :P I like the fact that you've ...

Hey Temeraire- it just so happens, I have my own dragons in my stories, too! And yours are good, by the way. :-D I'd offer to draw them, but I ...

I don't really care how spaced out it is. Personally, I like it better the way it is. >_> So, since it seems I can critique this without worrying about ...

I'm confused. Probably because there are two different threads for what appear to be two parts of the same story. >_> As far as I know, Elite, you have Line ...