Futuristic

Shouldn't it be 'when the first thing he saw'? Not sure, but first things just doesn't sound quite right to me. Ah, could be. Does sound better. I may have ...

Ha, great! Thanks! Were mistakes that I should've seen myself, but must have overlooked a dozen times. Really was helpful, and as always, appreciated. Will edit those fixes in, and ...

Also, you should really add some details to the characters. I didn't know the MC was a girl until I read the author's note at the end. Was wondering why ...