FlyingDream

Yes, I think you should break this up a bit too. Work more to develop your character, all I pretty much know about him is that he hates the gods. ...

Ha ha ha, I agree with everyone too. Paragraph, paragraph, paragraph. But I'm sure you know that by now. I do like the names that you've put in here. They ...

Hmmmmm. It's not very long but I'll do my best to critique. Ok, I think you should develop your characters a wee bit more, plus, I think you should start ...

Alright, I agree that your beginning needs to be a little bit more jazzed up (AKA: You need to make it more exciting). Otherwise, I enjoyed this piece. At least, ...

YES YES YES. You do not know how long I've been looking for something to read (that's not published work). This is everything I look for in a fantasy novel, ...

Hmmmm it reminds me of....The night and very light colors. Well, yeah...I really like stories that make the reader think . Do you know what I mean? I like those ...

:shock: Very good, I'm impressed. I especially like your descriptions. The sun was a magestic yellow, like the lion's mane. The graceful Hibiscus, beautiful in its many colors. The breath-taking ...

I agree, this story is really not all that bad. I think that you should develop your character a bit more (tell us more about him make us care) you ...

I loved your story. It caught my eye, because it reminds me of that horrible feeling after I watch a scary movie or something and I can't get to sleep. ...

Oh my gosh, Fin is mine. Just kidding. I really enjoyed your story, I do think you can cut down on the "ums" when your characters are speaking. To me, ...