Feltrix

Presto! Fixed the order. The most recently edited thing goes on the bottom, so when I tweaked things, it threw the order off.

Okay, there's actually a prologue, but the I haven't written the part where the events of the prologue tie in yet, so don't worry about that. As to why they're ...

I'm worried about the pacing for this chapter. And does anyone know a synonym for 'really big tree?'

I fail to predict Soren, every time. I understand Kara and Einar, but Soren is a mystery to me. I have, however, ruled out the prospect that he's secretly Moriarty.

Okay, so, you always capitalize after your first ", even if the sentence doesn't begin there. I'll use an example sentence. "Why do I," he said. "Have to do everything ...

I kind of slogged through this chapter, so it's probably not my best one. It's mostly here because I didn't want to break my narrator rotation pattern, and I want ...

If there's specific reasoning for the name (like you have here) I'd keep the name.

I read On Writing by Steven King not too long ago, and it said that passive sentences are basically the embodiment of evil. The problem is, I can't figure out ...

Maybe you need a disclaimer.

I know. The pastries were to show how rich Soren is, but I noticed anyway, so I had to comment.

The luxemborgian completely predicted what I did. Did the Russian soldier change to the tortoise selling because strawberries are illegal? That must have made the market drop.

I think making Einar human is fine. If you made it more subtle, I think it would be fine. It's just, you put the transition in the place where Einar ...

It's been festering in the back of my mind for over a month! I decided to take one more look and BOOM! Everything fell into place.

It shouldn't have taken me so long to figure out the hidden message. I love how relevant to the plot it is! I was overthinking things and subtracting all the ...

What exactly is a bivoclar lizard, meaning no offense to aforementioned bivoclar lizards? Hail the bivoclar lizards.