ExOmelas

Grammar first: 'But I cannot have defiance,” he said his voice hardening.' - comma between said and his 'He faced me and grabbed the rope around my wrist and whispered ...

Hi there :) I'm not quite a Glaswegian (I live in Hamilton) but I understand what you mean for most of this. Especially the bit about Labour. I mean, with ...

Hi there, Timmy! What really stands out for me is your description of Henry. In so many sources he is described as a fiery young lion but, once he grows ...

First, quickly, I found a couple of little mistakes. "But even if we could rid of these roles" - even if we could be rid of these roles "who had ...

First of all, this is your call but I'm not sure about the semi-colon in "that knowledge was so apparent to everyone; he had been given a nickname". It's probably ...

Hi there, I'm going to do technical stuff as I go through. "el-mago, The Magician" (it won't put the first bit in italics down here) should probably be el-mago, 'The ...

Hey there, first of all I'll just point out your typos again then I'll get to plot stuff. In the first line, I reckon you meant 'pieces' but you typed ...

Just typos and grammar first: "being lifed back up" - lifted "calminjg me down" - calming, but I guess you can see that okay I'll stop typing the corrections "almsot" ...

Hi there, I thought I should review this since I guess you've been waiting all Review Day to post it. Me too. Anyway, I thought you completely captured completely the ...

Hi there, um, wow, this was really amazing. I got a sense of setting, the time of day and the personality of your main character all in the first few ...

Hello, I read Clavinn's review and I realise you have already discovered that there are some silly mistakes. In the paragraph that begins "'814, we are nearly there'" I spotted ...

Just a couple of things that didn't sound quite right: At one point it sounded like Maria was going to say "What the hell" if she hadn't got cut off ...

I'd quite like to um ... thank you for writing this because I have a friend who used to cut and I find it really understand what's going on inside ...

Okay, hello there. I'll do some nit-picking before I tell you how AWESOME this is. First, semi-colons. Semi-colons are used to separate two parts of a sentence that could exist ...

Okay, um, first of all ... it's way too short. Short stories don't have to be quite so short. Also, it's all one paragraph and the speech doesn't take new ...