ExOmelas

'and i turned around violently' - the 'i' should be capitalised: 'I'. 'a dull grey to adore the girl's beautiful face' - I don't understand why the word 'adore' is ...

I'll do nitpicks first. 'think I am nice person' - there should be an 'a' between 'am' and 'nice'. 'met them' should be 'meet them' 'hide it from them to ...

'“Because I have reason to believe' - there should probably be a dash before 'Because' because you put one at the end of the last section of speech. I'm slightly ...

I don't know if this is on purpose but you have about three whole paragraphs in parenthesis. Maybe it was because you were tailing off on a different story. If ...

'From that moment on, you were mine again.' - I don't quite understand when the character the narrator is speaking to no longer belonged to the narrator. 'Then, the miracle ...

This is a pretty difficult story to comprehend let alone review so in revenge I am going to type out the review in Scots dialect. 'Now, get your uttbay out ...

Nothing will ever make me understand why women enjoy roaming commercial buildings which try to sell you stereotypes. I think this sentence could have been a touch more dramatic. Maybe ...

'That was the day, one week after I'd agreed to, and 3 days after I'd quit my job' - I may have mentioned this before but when dealing with numbers ...

One thing I noticed pretty quickly was that you haven't titled the verses as verses as you have done with the chorus and the pre-chorus. It was a little confusing ...

Hey, Mess, since you said Duck Warrior wasn't your best work and Aley suggested I try the Adopt a Novel club, I figured I may as well adopt Fern and ...

'We’re each naked.' - I think 'each' should be 'both'. 'Touch myself and try to ready' - there should be a 'get' between 'to' and 'ready'. '“It’s okay Baby,”' - ...

This is so cute! I never even thought of Boo having a name until recently, when I saw Monsters University (which was so incredibly awesome I am so glad it ...

I think you should consider some sort of separation between the first and second paragraphs, like some asterisks. I'll do nitpicks later but review day's almost over. No one really ...

Ok, I'm trying to clear the green room, I haven't read the rest of this series and Hannah said most of what I would say plot-wise so this is just ...

'It's not that I couldn't, or I didn't want to, I just didn't I was up and about, alone with my thoughts.' - There should be a new sentence after ...