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The Adventures of Mary Gibbs Ch 1

by Sunshine1113


This is kind of my spin off on the Pixar Theory. I hope you guys like it :)

POV: Mary

Year: Unknown

~~~~

“Good night Mary,” My mother whispered as she tucked me in bed. “Sweet dreams honey.”

I looked at my closet and pointed.

“Mary, I told you there are no monsters in your closet.” She said as she opened my white closet door with pink flowers on it. I hid my head under my covers and whimpered. I didn’t dare look up from under the blankets. My mom came over and sat on my bed and gently pulled the covers off from over my head. I looked at the closet prepared to see that snake like creature emerge from the shadows. It didn’t though. All that was in my closet were my clothes and a few boxes of my toys.

I was afraid to sleep lately. Every night right after my parents finally fell asleep a scary chameleon-snake like creature would slither into my room and scare me. I know my parents think I have an over active imagination, maybe I do, but this monster seemed so real to me. I could have touched it, it seemed so incredibly tangible.

My parents have told me that there are no such things as monsters, but I don’t believe them. That’s the only word that could possibly describe what that thing was. What else would come out of a closet late at night to scare a little girl every night?

“I’m going to leave the door open a crack, ok sweetheart? I’ll even leave the hallway light on.” My mom said as she left the door open ajar and turned the hallway lights on. It made me feel a little better but not by much. That monster was still going to come out of my closet tonight.

I decided that I was going to hide so that way the monster couldn’t find me to scare me. Quietly I slipped out of my bed and searched my room to find a good hiding spot. Finally I hid under my stuffed animals on the floor in the corner of my room. My body was mostly concealed. The only part of me visible was the back of my pink nightshirt.I curled up into a ball and hugged my favorite strawberry scented berry-pink teddy bear. The scent was soothing and comforting. My eyes soon felt heavy and I drifted off to dreamland.

~~~

Creak. Whoosh. Creak. My eyes flew open. The monster was here! I didn’t dare move from my spot. I hugged my teddy bear even tighter.

“Hello? Is anyone scaring in here?” Whispered the monster. That wasn’t my monsters voice. This monster sounded kind and friendly. I decided to investigate further.

I quietly moved from my hiding place and finally got a good look at the monster. He was big and furry; like a kitty. He had blue fur with purple spots. He wasn’t very scary. All he was was a very big kitty. I like kitties; maybe this one would like to play with me?

I walked up behind him and grabbed his tail. I picked it up and then dropped it a few times. Thud, Thud, Thud. Kitty looked around, confused for a moment. I picked his tail up again and dropped it. Thud. Kitty finally looked behind him. He gasped and looked like he saw a ghost.

“Kitty!” I shouted. Kitty screamed and tried to run away. I chased after him.

“Roar, roar, roar, roar!” I shouted as I went after him.

Kitty is very funny. He walked into my mobile and some of my other toys. I crawled up on his back. He didn’t seem to notice.

Kitty ran out of the room with my toys that he couldn’t seem to get off of himself. He ran through my closet door and I prepared myself to collide with the wall. We kept running though. I opened my eyes and looked around, still gripping tightly to Kitty’s back. This wasn’t my closet. It was a big room. No, it was a humongous room. It looked like a warehouse. The room was dark and empty and I was scared. I didn’t know my closet was so big.

Kitty kept running. He was in a panicked craze, trying to get rid of the toys that were stuck to his back. I was still holding on to him, and he still didn’t seem to notice me. We ran through several hallways and rooms. This place was huge! I wanted to explore this new world; it seemed like a fun place to venture into. I decided I would stay with Kitty and explore this place with him. He made me feel safe in this strange place.


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Sat Sep 27, 2014 9:24 pm
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Evander wrote a review...



Hello! Your novels parent here for a review! I am sorry if this seems a little harsh! I just try and help you improve in writing! Now, I have not seen Monsters Inc. or Monters Uni. so I apologize if any part of my review seems ignorant. :D Moving on to the actual review...

First thing off the bat, I see that there are some commas missing! Whenever addressing someone, you would put a comma before their name! So... "Mary, I told you to..." Or, "I can't believe you did that, Mary!" Even with nicknames that rule can be in place! "Honey, please stop being afraid of..." I just noticed that in the very beginning!

The action that this "Mary" has very childlike actions. That first impression making the reader think she is very young... then we see her thoughts. Now, I like that, that was done! It makes the reader think about how children think. :D Not sure if that was intended, but it's what I saw! (Authors often have hidden meanings that their subconscious implants into their writings, just letting you know. ;) )

From what I have seen about Monsters Inc. they can travel through these doors and go to other people's rooms, right? So... these nighttime terrors are real! (That adds another aspect to the story! We now have Mary who is very precocious, and we have monsters that scare her! I wonder what's going to happen next!? Is there going to be the P.O.V. of a monster? Wait, there is. I reviewed it. >.< )

That wasn’t my monsters voice.

The monster owns his voice, right? Add an apostrophe. ;)

I love what you have so far and hope you keep on posting! Please tell me when you update! (Sorry for the short review!)

~Rae,




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Wed Jul 30, 2014 9:12 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



This is so cute! I never even thought of Boo having a name until recently, when I saw Monsters University (which was so incredibly awesome I am so glad it was not a let down). Anyway, I know this film inside out and you have got it down to a tee. I like the way it switches between sophistication and childishness and going by what you replied to Wolf with, it was on purpose. I am very intrigued to know where this will go. I haven't heard of the Pixar theory before but I may look into it now.

My suggestion would maybe be to add some detail that wasn't in the film but that you wouldn't have been able to see. Maybe Sully tenses up and his eyes widen when he sees Boo. This is perfectly plausible but you don't see it in the film because it's from Sully's POV.

I will be keeping a close eye on this, well done :)




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Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:43 pm
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ShadowTony1 wrote a review...



Strong plot, and well built story. I suggest you add more character backgrounds like a death of a loved one to show why Mary is always afraid and fragile. The background of the story goes back and forth from a sweet environment to a terrifying dark place. This can not be done by many writers, I'll tell you that. This story has a lot of potential to become a great novel. But, your only receiving that by a person who is very young. There are some stuff I would like to discuss that is not so great. Like the setting. Is the setting a large mansion, or a small condo? This could discuss some of Mary's background whether her parents are very wealthy or very poor. This could also be a reason why Mary is so scared all the time because her parents are at work. The chapter also seemed very short. Like by my standards, it's an average sized chapter, but I really think it could have been stretched much further. Anyways that's my review <3. -ShadowTony1




Sunshine1113 says...


Thanks for the review! :)



ShadowTony1 says...


I am thankful that you are being thankful :D..



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Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:32 pm
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Lucia wrote a review...



This is very interesting so far, and I really want to start reading the next one! The fact that you wrote it from the little girl's point of view is really refreshing and imaginative.

I don't remember how old the girl was, but I definitely don't think she was old enough to know words like, "tangible", "investigate", or "humongous", just to name a few.
It seemed a rather bizarre mix of a 3-year-old thought process, but with adult words.
You should try to tone down the vocabulary, and use smaller, easier words if you can.

"He gasped and looked like he saw a ghost." Something isn't quite right about this sentence. Probably something to do with tenses. :) Anyways, I would write it like this, "He gasped, looking as if he had seen a ghost."

Overall, I thought it was a very good idea, and I hope you can bring a fresh rebirth to the old-ish story. :) Just polish it off a little, and you'll be off to a great start!
Keep writing!!




Sunshine1113 says...


But Boo is not a child.... she is in fact hundreds of years old. This is one of her memories techinally. As the story goes on I shall make that clear. Thanks for the review! :D



ShadowTony1 says...


NOOOOO YOU SPOILED IT!!!



Sunshine1113 says...


not completely..... really you still have no remote idea where I'm going with this...... :P



ShadowTony1 says...


I've read these kinds of stories, I think I do :P. Also, would you mind taking a look at my novel, it's like a review for a review type of thing xD.



Lucia says...


If this is a flashback, maybe you should explain it in a paragraph, or maybe just give us a hint. :)
You're welcome!



Sunshine1113 says...


but its not a flashback per se..... its complicated. It will be explained more as the story goes on



Lucia says...


Gotcha. Well, let's see what happens, then, shall we? :)



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Wed Jul 30, 2014 3:40 am
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ANADIR wrote a review...



Hello! Andy here, to give a review! :D And in this strange place, you found a random user with a random review! Take this since it's not safe to leave strange places alone. Wait, I don't think I got that quite right. Oh well, I might as well jump the gun and get to the review.

In the beginning, you “Sweet dreams honey.”
It should actually read “Sweet dreams, honey.”
Without the comma, it sounds like the speaker is stating a product called "sweet dreams honey." XD
And I just realized that this was Boo's perspective in Monsters Inc! That's so cool! XD. I completely missed what you were speaking about until i finished reading and realization hit me. This is a brilliant idea, so great work! There were a few more minor grammar errors like the one i mentioned, but i don't think we really care about those, do we?
So over all, great work! This was rather humorous, and I loved how you portrayed Boo. My only recommendation would be to make her a little more...childish. Boo seemed a little bit too smart for her age. Well, that's all!
Andy out- great work!




Sunshine1113 says...


But Boo is not a child.... she is in fact hundreds of years old. This is one of her memories techinally. As the story goes on I shall make that clear :) Thanks for the review! :D



ANADIR says...


O.o ok, now I'm interested




The important thing is never to stop questioning.
— Albert Einstein